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Horoscopes | Weeks of December 17-30, 2007

ARIES (March 21-April 19): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, a call to pursue your real true actual goal (the one you'd regret not pursuing, if you never even tried), rather than playing along with whatever cards got inadvertently dealt to you. Pluto now sits at a very crucial location in your solar chart, Aries. It's the point known in a natal chart as the Midheaven, or the region in the sky that the Sun occupies at high noon. This zone represents all that we achieve, through sustained effort and long-term strategy, out there on the world stage (principally, for example, our professional accomplishments and/or community reputation). With Pluto lodging himself there for the time being, and with his many-years' transit of your solar 10th just beginning in a few weeks, you are entering a profound period of transformation in what you are to become publicly known for. In other words, you're entering the phase of 'shit or get off the pot', when it comes to your career and the many fanciful dreams you might attach to it. And in order to get from where you are to where you want to be, whether it requires only a couple small steps or necessitates a total about-face, you'll have to start by literally murdering any of the internal voices that might tell you why it's simply impossible. You Aries folks are the fearless pioneers of the zodiac, bursting at the seams with courage and strength… so I'm totally unwilling to accept that you couldn't secure that golden flag, if you put your whole self behind its acquisition. Jupiter's also moving into your 10th, providing that much more emphasis to any actions you might take toward satisfying your ambitions. His presence virtually insists that you do more in '08 than you did in '07 (or any other recent year), at least in regards to causing a big splash professionally and/or among those whose opinions matter to you. This is your year to ascend to a new level of greatness. But that means not being afraid to sacrifice the small victories for the one friggin' big one you covet more than anything else. With everything you've got, go for it… and accept nothing less than a grand attempt from yourself. No matter the outcome, should you invest every last ounce of pluck and pushiness you possess into this one arena of life, I'm confident it will change your life forever. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, in which we back away from the doomsdayish conclusion hinted at in the previous installment. So I must admit, I'm kind of hoping I scared you a bit with the last horoscope… not because I'm a sadistic mindfucker, but because I wanted to motivate you to make this moment matter in the grand scheme of your entire life's trajectory. At this pivotal turning point, I ached to hear you declare: 'I'm choosing the wild unruly adventure over the security of always knowing how tomorrow will turn out—because, frankly, it's way more exciting!' I aimed to stir you up, so you'd stop dragging your feet… and start embodying the qualities of your monumental dream (whatever it may be) about what your life might mean, if you put your heart and soul into it. Did I succeed? Yes, you Tauruses tend to move slower than many. But there isn't ample time in a single lifetime to test out every step for a few years each, just to make sure it'll bear your weight before hopping to the next. Sometimes, you've got to leap on faith, knowing that, should the stepping stone begin to sink or the ice to crack, you're resourceful enough to hop back to the last, should you need to save yourself. Trust that knack for 'always being okay', as it serves you well. Let it be your safety valve. You are so close to making a big commitment toward some moral imperative, which compels you to do it or quit whining about it in no uncertain terms. Double-check the other alternatives one last time, just to be sure. Address the pesky little questions (though, ultimately, many of these are red herrings, attempting to lure you away from the big-picture goalposts, most likely out of fear), then move past 'em. Don't hurry the decision, due to some pushy individual's undue influence in one direction or another. Dare you get caught on one forceful opinion or pesky detail, you'll overlook the main point: your long-term happiness, not merely what's easiest now. That's a point worth betting everything on. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, in which the humble tale of two people determining how best to relate with one another opens up into a wide expanse where the main narrative threads resist easy resolution and, instead, are left to dangle, knowing that a profitable sequel or two is indeed in store for our beloved, though markedly flawed, protagonist. Because it's never what it was cracked up to be, a fact which we might laud or bemoan, based upon where exactly we're positioned on the matrix today (versus, that is, tomorrow, when an entirely different reaction may be warranted). Because you tried to outsmart your own psychological development by assuming to know what the limits to your mutual potential were ahead of time, and because the lived reality proved there to be so much more or so much less there, you have no roadmap for which turn to take next. Because, as a result of determining that you were rather near-sighted in your preordained perceptions, you're going to have to rethink what you previously thought was impossible, undesirable, inappropriate or out of left field. Because you have no other choice but to change the rules in '08, at least if you intend to remain in cahoots with a certain someone special, since you're now traversing uncharted ground and the quaint old rules of interpersonal physics don't apply on this strange new planet. Because you're terrified of how hot these passions (of love, of hate, of envy, of lust, of greed, of restlessness, of secretive partiality) really do run, judging by how much less self-control you can muster, compared to your usual manner of masterfully engineering every last on-record utterance. Because boundaries that served you well in past situations no longer serve your current situation, though you may fear that, without keeping them in place, you'll have no boundaries at all (and that can't be good!). Because a long stream of incomplete sentence fragments adding up to no definitive conclusive may be both grammatically mutinous and lacking some tidy uplifting motive, but it gets the job done. The job? Not to squirrel out of these wretchedly serious considerations, simply to carry out the rote mechanics of breezy interrelating. Hint: It should hurt some, like any good torturous therapy that gets the kinks out. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, when I finally let you in on the big astrological secret. Sshhhh! Don't tell anybody, my darling, but here's the scoop on what's really going on. Over the course of these few weeks, we are witnessing the sign changes of both Jupiter and Pluto into Capricorn… which puts them both squarely at the mouth of your solar 7th house, the zone of one-on-one relationships. Now, this is a super big deal, since Jupiter only shifts signs once a year and Pluto… well, Pluto's been in the same sign since 1995, so this transition is nothing less than majorly major. This means, of course, that your relationship life is slated to undergo some truly transformational alterations, first and foremost in '08, but continuing throughout the next several years. If you're single, this could mean the arrival of some variety of tall dark stranger (whatever your favorite version) to sweep you off your feet, the morphing of an existing friendship into something much more, and/or a stunning epiphany as to why you're single and what, if anything, you should do about it. If you're coupled off, you may experience a deepening in the partnership, where you're more willing to get all the way in the vehicle (instead of hanging one foot out, to slow the damn thing down)… or it could happen the other way, as you discover you've outgrown this outdated pairing and may need to be alone for a while or free to scope more fitting companions. Of course it's possible that no external events will herald this growth spurt, yet, even still, you'll hopefully put a lot of thought into how you share yourself with another person, relate as equals, divvy up responsibility, and hold each other up when you can barely stand as individuals. Pretty exciting stuff, huh? And to prepare you for this relationship revitalization, the universe threw you this pesky Mars retrograde business (sick of it yet?), as an avenue for testing your ability to attend to your own needs. (In this process, by the way, Mars opposes Jupiter… and later Pluto.) If you don't get this lesson down, you'll impede your own relationship possibilities. How? By using your 'kind and caring' nature to underhandedly dominate the relationship, 'giving' your one-and-only everything you've got (without opening up to receive the same amount in return) until he or she is hooked by the emotional strings that are attached, that's how. But you don't want to do that, do you? Then, thank all the recent and current headaches for stripping you of that silly Cancerian habit, and get ready to receive. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

LEO (July 23-August 22): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, in preparation for assuming a more conscientious attitude to your earthly duties. Get it all out of your system now, Leo, while you still have the spare couple hours to sleep off the hangover or follow the far-out-of-your-way detour to the amusement park or shopping mall. Come January, we're all expecting you to dig your industrial-strength workgloves and heavy-duty safety goggles out from the back of your utility cabinet and… get to friggin' work already! That doesn't mean, at this point in the game, you should be particularly clear on what the specifics of this labor will entail—only that, after all these years of dreaming, it's about time to make something happen. If you need any more impetus than the sheer motivating factor of wanting to fulfill your vision, then perhaps the overwhelming sensation of being completely and totally lost in life that threateningly creeps in and out of your consciousness may be enough to spur you on. Think about it this way, Leo: Without constructing a useful frame of purpose for your endlessly enthusiastic hunger for noteworthy experiences, you are threatening to become lost. To resist imposing the necessary disciplines upon yourself (because it feels too 'limiting' of your 'creative freedom') is to leave too temptingly gaping an exit through which, whenever a challenge becomes too tough, you'll dart without thinking twice—and learn no more about how to tackle it than if you were merely watching your own life on TV, with a 6-pack of Bud and a bag of Doritos. No matter what 'it' is, you'll have to keep at it, throughout the upcoming year and the next year and the year after that, or you'll never ever ever know what could've been. The romantic in you may shirk the ties to what can sound, at least from this early position in the journey, like a big friggin' trap. But one man's trap is another's key to long-term, sure-footed, no-one-can-take-it-away-from-you success. Pure free-spiritedness, which sounds so appealing because it invites one to impulsively step away from any hindrance or hurdle that may appear ('no limits! just adventure!'), merely leads to more of the same… and after decades of shifting from one leg to the other, in order to keep standing, you suddenly realize you have nothing reliable to return home to. Putting on blinders and remaining faithfully within your corral, no matter how you may buck or whinny in revolt, is the best gift you can bestow upon yourself. You may not see the full rewards, however, for years to come. Are you up for it? I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

VIRGO (August 23-September 22): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, in which you mischievously look left and right, then squeal, 'Fuck it!' People often freak out when they discover that Saturn, the taskmaster with the bad reputation, will be spending two years in their sign. (Quick reminder: Saturn's been in Virgo since September and stays through late-'09.) Yet, when it comes to you Virgos, this expectation should really be turned on its head. Why? Because many of the disciplinary lessons that Saturn usually imposes on folks when they're exposed to its transits are already part and parcel of the Virgoan experience. You already adopt a serious approach to your work. You already reason through what'll be the most practical alternative to get the results you want, before impulsively acting. And you already live within certain bounds and limits—arguably, to a fault. Saturn's missive to you, Virgo, is that you should open yourself up more to spontaneity… both in how you make day-to-day decisions and in how you engage adventurously with the world's many mysteries, purely for your own entertainment and edification. Saturn's also here to warn you of the dangers of thinking too small… as if capturing and analyzing every minute detail of a situation, reworking it until it's just right, and only then opting to move forward will be sufficient to bestow onto you complete and total control over it. It's an illusion, of course, and one that can actually hold you back from trying new stuff because you don't have enough information. Underneath it all, this comes down to trusting yourself in the moment… that everything will be okay if you fly by the seat of your pants, if you don't have your adding machine or magnifying glass before signing on the dotted line, if you actually let up on yourself, relax, and let it all slide. Your year ahead demands that you embrace this pioneering self-liberation—simply because you deserve to have more fun, to reduce your stress, and to give way less of a crap about what anybody else thinks (or, more precisely, what you think they think). Watch for glaring examples of this call to independence over the closing weeks of the year… particularly social pressures from family, friends, community members or nosy strangers, any of whom may believe they know how you 'should' behave. Will you take it on, as another excuse to hold back and criticize yourself… or won't you please just flip 'em the bird and pour yourself another martini? I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

LIBRA (September 23-October 22): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, filmed entirely on location behind the iron gates. At the end of the day, what ultimately matters is how it feels inside you—not what it looks like to the neighbors, your co-workers, or the gals at the salon. When nobody else is around to offer you commentary or non-verbal judgment, to compare yourself to or define yourself against, to emulate or impress or outshine… do you experience serenity? anxiety? yearning? disenchantment? And if it's not a feeling that supports your internal well-being, what do you do about it? Let's face it, Libra: The most important person to please is yourself. But if you're more accustomed to meeting external standards than attaining inner calm, this may be a harder task to succeed at. Over these chapters, I've led you down the trail from 3rd- to 4th-house symbolism… from traversing the social landscape with extroverted eloquence, and back into the private domain of family- and home-life, where you commune with the fundamental roots of your emotional motives, in order to better nurture your own delicate spirit. This is the same passage currently being undertaken by both Jupiter and Pluto as they, one by one, cross into new signs—and ask you to spend many solitary moments over the coming year (and beyond), contemplating how best to care for yourself. Most of us often neglect this question, mainly because we identify so strongly with what we achieve on the world stage (our salaries and titles, our place in the community, our well-maintained appearance), where there is always more to gain (in dollars and esteem) or lose (in inches, pounds and dress sizes). How sad and exhausting a possibility, indeed, to work that hard and still feel antsy or malcontent. The real 'work' required to ease the private turmoil is much harder because (1) there are no socially-agreed-upon guidelines for completing it, (2) you must look back over your life, especially your childhood and adolescence, and delve into when, where and why the original dissatisfaction was born, and (3) you're the only qualified assessor of whether you're making progress or not. The outer-world events presently transpiring are likely giving you plenty of reason to be proud of your accomplishments, or else to be disappointed with a particular let-down… but in any case, it's just window dressing. Whatever the current results are, they aren't sufficient enough to drown out the personal processing that's finally ready to occur. Dealing with the long-ago crap is now upon you. The eventual tradeoff? Learning to relax more completely. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, an outright endorsement of social frivolity (but is it so really frivolous?). Listen, Scorpio… if anything I told you over the last two weeks came across as overly critical, let me apologize. It's just: Everything doesn't have to be so friggin' serious all the time. That's what I'm trying to get at, see. I know you prefer your exchanges and encounters to be meaningful ('or why bother?' you might retort)… but, trust me, you simply cannot know in advance what 'meaning' you might draw from this or that casual chit-chat or flimsy-seeming fraternization. Such a viewpoint is akin to wearing blinders all day long, through every perfunctory interaction or supposedly insignificant conversation, until you spot somebody wearing the 'Hello, My Name is Important' and pledge them your unwavering attention. Do you honestly believe you can always identify the people worth getting to know (even if for just a few minutes longer than you'd usually spend with 'em) before you give 'em a chance? And then… what if this hypothetical person actually does prove to be a superficial ninny? What have you really lost? Some time? Or is it just possible that you may've gained something from even the most seemingly useless or trivial meetings? You'll never know, if you avoid 'em altogether, simply because they intrude upon your preordained sense of purpose and direction in life. Don't succumb to such single-mindedness, and miss out on the scraps of humanity that actually taste the best, while feeding your spirit with the sheer unpredictable magnificence of variation and diversity. Don't blind yourself with rigid definition. Don't forget to giggle. Over these final weeks of 2007, please, oh please, make an effort to bust out of your bubble—take up the company of somebody besides the same two or three people you usually see, spend a couple hours shooting the shit, and see how great you feel afterwards. Rinse, and repeat, throughout '08. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, and drawing your last dividing line, at least for a while. However your month is turning out so far, Sagittarius, your year ahead will be constructed, in a rather cut-and-dry direct manner, upon the foundations you're currently laying. Whatever is going rather well, these are the triumphant achievements that should serve to inspire you when things are tough. And whatever is presently a bit of a disaster, this hopefully exemplifies everything you've worked so hard to get away from… and proves why now is the definitive moment for separating yourself from it, no matter how painful or explosive the disengagement process may be. I'm sure you can see it all spread out in front of you, right? You're fully aware of your feelings on the key matters, and the resultant choices you have no choice but to make (unless you resign yourself to unhappiness), aren't you? This exquisite mayhem is exactly what's necessary, to ensure your illustrious future will contain far fewer trap-doors, sinkholes and outright fiascos than the past few years have held. This should be your last great escape for a while… for, if you indeed intend to be the free-thinking maverick you Sagittarians are best suited to be, you must realize that real freedom doesn't actually come from constantly running, jumping and severing ties. It may start off that way, but, should this compulsive need to keep moving continue ad infinitum and never result in something more lasting, that only proves your unwillingness to stay put long enough to find satisfaction within, wherever in the world you may be. You've run. You've jumped. You've probably severed a few ties. Now, what would happen if you spent a chunk of time here, where you are now… and stuck around for a while? How can you sum up all you've experienced in these recent years into a formula for life that supports your material needs, grounds you in a specific physical location, and gives you a chance to slow down and rest? 2008 is all about figuring that out. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, in which you may be as blatant as you'd like about casting yourself in the starring role and, should it be necessary, pushing your biggest threat down the backstage stairs, never to look back. Capricorn, not everybody is going to be happy (at least not at first) about you deciding to depart the preordained path to predictable success, in order to (gasp!) follow your bliss. Some might consider it a waste, since you are extremely skilled at attaining the most obvious signs of societal success (should you choose to do just that). (That's why the watered-down astrology books describe Capricorn as the quintessential CEO or entrepreneur.) Some might take issue with your seemingly uncharacteristic embrace of 'the road not traveled', mainly because it upsets the secure repetitiveness of their life (since, after all, if you make such a life-switch, the relationship is also bound to change). Some might shoot you their envious glares or passive-aggressive remarks of supposed 'support' (yeah, right), secretly angry you are taking the very plunge they dream about taking (before chickening out and popping open another Michelob). (Some of these 'somes' may even be voices inside you that are highly uncomfortable with bucking tradition.) Let's face it: You serve as something of a rock to certain folks in your life, who rely on you to stay the course while they (poor sensitive souls!) snivel and sob about this, that or the other. This is both a badge of pride and a major contributing factor to that weight on your shoulders ('do the right thing! do the right thing!'). But will you really pick meeting others' age-old expectations over fighting for personal gratification? I sincerely hope not. Still, enacting this decision will not be easy. Quarrels may erupt. Attempts at making each other feel guilty are likely. While there's nothing wrong with adopting a new sort of radical independence, it can cause jealous partners or pals to freak. Hear 'em out, before telling 'em why you must put yourself first this time. And remember: Nobody else needs to understand where you're coming from, as long as you do your best to explain it. It's not your problem if they don't quite get it. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, in which you strike a deal with yourself, officially granting you the leeway to be unfocused, ill-prepared, addled with astonishment and bewildered by befuddlement for the duration of 2008. And with that, a huge duty to rationality is lifted right off your shoulders. That's not to say the existential what-have-you doesn't have its own… INTERRUPTION. INTERRUPTION. Of all chapters for all signs, this one—Chapter Three for Aquarius—is now interrupted, and now tunes in as written from a different fold in the fabric of the time-space continuum. Note: The regular laws of clarity, sobriety, public accountability, and overly wordy attempts to come off brainy do not apply here. Begin transmission… We are showing our true selves to the galaxy when we are alone and space out. They hear you from the other side of the galactic veil, and welcome you. You may not feel quite at liberty to discuss the tingly depths and soaring mind-fuck highs you gather, when melding with frequencies from far away, dimensionally. There may be nothing productive to do with it, for now… just to store the experiences away for another time, not so far away yet not exactly tomorrow either, when a body-shaking epiphanic moment of 'oh, yeah!' strikes and it all makes unbelievable (and downright surreal) sense. Fuck. Ing. Ay! Nobody else must know the full extent of this vision, nor should they, until the timing is right. But please don't get paranoid or truly outer-space out there, to the point where you cannot carry on the usual business of everyday life. That is not a useful manifestation, except under extremely rare circumstances involving trained professionals (or yards of psychic rope to tether you down). Aquarians are air-sign space cadets, for sure. Yet, these earthly bodies were no mistake. Nobody should knowingly stand in the way of making sure his/her own body functions properly. If we all can do just that, the transmissions will come in more clearly… End transmission… and believe it or not, your most effective strategy is simply to send out good energy. An optimistic mindset is more powerful than you might think. Cosmic law dictates whatever you expect to happen becomes the likeliest outcome. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.

PISCES (February 19-March 20): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] [Chapter Two.] Chapter Three, in which you'd might as well join 'em, instead of trying to beat (or distance yourself from) 'em. In the previous two chapters, your story was framed almost as a 'me against the machine' struggle—the competent but sensitive Pisces, weighing whether he will vie for a more personally fulfilling role in society by refusing to back away from controversy, or if swallowing his ballsier ambitions to lessen the bumps in the road isn't the more pragmatic choice. While I wasn't exactly neutral in how I framed the internal challenge, I must make clear how you must make such life-defining decisions for yourself… and if you opted for 'stable and secure' over 'a spectacular, sweeping switch', I do not fault you for it at all. In fact, no sooner did I lay that final pound-per-square-inch of pressure on you to get yourself noticed and make a scene (any scene at all!), now I'm backing away from such pushy counsel. That's because, Pisces, I'm assuming you've either done the deed already or probably won't do it anytime in the imminent future. (If you withstood the dual-action persuasiveness of Jupiter and Pluto, you're probably not ready to budge.) Having made it to this juncture, you might as well begin to integrate this existing reality all the way into the core of your being. If you've created wild wacky momentum through recent resistance, rebellion and reinvigoration, you'll need to factor in plenty of time to ride this chaos—without planning on smooth sailing right away. Unsettledness is an inescapable part of profound growth, and it takes a while to simmer back down into normalcy. Meanwhile, if you've opted to remain closer to how your public life has already been and not made much of a stink, you need to come to terms with that choice, too. There's no purpose in allowing internal disappointment to continue, once you decide you're not going to alter whatever may be disappointing. Instead, the challenge is to find self-acceptance for the rationale behind that decision—and to hunt for satisfaction in other areas of life. In both possible circumstances, my strongest recommendation is to refashion the theme of this story, away from 'me against the machine (or the whole damn world!)' and into 'me and my peeps'… for wherever you ultimately find yourself, there will be other folks who strongly relate to where you're coming from, and whose friendship and camaraderie will brighten your year ahead, should you let them into your world. That means giving up the notion that your situation is so special, nobody could possibly understand. In exchange, you may surprise yourself with a newfound sense of belonging. I will be taking next week off, people. Your next horoscopes will be posted on Dec 31 07.