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Horoscopes | Week of December 10-16, 2007

ARIES (March 21-April 19): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, in which, if you actually do what you really want to do, nobody can dare to claim they missed your point or were unclear where you stand. And that's precisely why this week is hardly an occasion for subtlety. With the holiday spirit (and its complementary spirits, such as rum or whiskey) nipping at your nose, a rapidly approaching new year to anticipate, and a mounting lack of patience for having to make ethical or philosophical compromises, just to keep other people snug in their complacency… the climate is ripe for you to mount a 'Fuck Discretion!' campaign. So what if your blunt display of irreverence casts a nervous hush over the office gift exchange? Who cares if you blow a few extra bucks to book a last-minute flight to Jamaica to puff the holidays away on a marijuana-permeated beach? How will anybody suffer from your pre-new-year's resolution to quit doing crap you hate, as a token of commitment to your own well-being? This is your life we're talking about here… and I'd hate to see you suck in your disruptive creative antagonisms, just to secure that ten-cent-an-hour raise at the paper clip factory, especially when there are Everests to climb and Amazons to ford, gods to bow down before and values to cherish at all costs. Stir that shit, homey. Tell 'em where they can stick the logo-encrusted coffee mugs the company has chosen to distribute this week in lieu of a bonus check. Then, throw the mug out the window. Growl if you've got to. Bark at the moon, even. And please, oh please, don't fear the repercussions. For every punitive restriction they try to place on you, there's another rule you've just been invited to break. As long as you've spent adequate advance effort in articulating to yourself what your rules for a meaningful and successful life are to be, you should feel profoundly free to follow 'em—at the expense of other, more limiting or altogether ill-fitting prohibitions imposed by folks who hardly have your best interests in mind anyhow. [to be continued]

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse. There's no getting away from the feelings you're harboring, whether you're being blatant about them or even if you think you're hiding 'em well. And that doesn't just go for you, Taurus, but also for the person (or people) who plays a big part in why you feel the way you do. They can't ignore you, though they might wish they could. The ripples of [fill-in-the-blank: what are you feeling, exactly?] are wafting off you like the scent of freshly baked cupcakes at a fat camp (or should I say 'like the scent of fresh blood at a convention of great white sharks'?)—and you can't do a thing about it. You are so totally obvious. One step in your direction, and that certain individual will know plenty about where you're coming from… at least the unbridled ferocity of raw emotion itself, if not the actual specifics behind it. A standoff is inevitable. Do not back away from this intensity, not when it's finally reaching a head. Refuse to impede the natural progression of this current affair until you're absolutely sure a breakthrough has been made. Situations of this potency can become toxic, should their energies not make it to the surface somehow. Any movement is preferable to inertia. If you avoid the impending come-to-Jesus moment altogether, you'll be making an eminent statement of self-definition in the process: I am not here to connect deeply with others. I am here to protect myself at all costs. Oh, Taurus, you'll be safe all right… tightly contained, behind closed doors, with everything arranged just how you like it, no variables to keep things interesting, and each day as memorable as the last, which isn't saying much. And when the judgment-day philosophers ask what your life has been about, what, pray tell, will you report: 'I was safe'? [to be continued]

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, in which the planets tempt ultra-eventful events to transpire, with the possibility of upping the relationship ante in some sensational fashion. To hear Jupiter and Pluto tell it (and they are booming with intensely thunderous voices), the occasion is ripe for some dramatic signal of your attitude toward a certain individual in your life… whoever would be considered your main squeeze or close comrade, partner-in-crime and/or devilish doppelganger. It's almost as if every recent development, over the past weeks or months (even years, if you'd prefer it to be more epic), has been leading up to this. Is it a massive knock-down-drag-out fight? Is it the down-on-your-knees proposal? Is it your first tender kiss? your first horizontal shag? your first fetishistic role-reversal? Will you confess the looming secret? Will you sing your intentions to the world, announcing it to all the aunts, uncles and cousins around the Xmas tree? Will you leave a bittersweet note on the counter, as you slip out the back door? Or will you smack 'im across the face with it? What will it be, Gemini? I will only be let down by your week's happenstances if they bear no notable escalation whatsoever. I have to believe, though, that you couldn't possibly allow this situation to pass you by—with such powerful planetary influences shoving you toward this culmination—without instigating something going down. Of course, the clever logistician in you might wonder why you should bother creating more potential controversy or complication, instead of just casually sustaining the relationship(s) more or less in its current incarnation. Why agitate the contents? The answer, alas, is a deep one. When it comes to relationships, we create circumstances that disrupt our security and comfort because it forces our soul to grow… and teaches us more about what we look for in other people, to compensate for what we find lacking in ourselves. Ultimately, in those bottomless depths of our psyche, we are bound to discover that we can be everything we need our own selves to be—and that nobody else can (or should) substitute for that. In the process, a relationship must radically transform (to contain our own personal expansion, as well as the other person's) or fall away. 'Staying as is' is like sentencing yourself to read the same book over and over again. You might adore that book… but by the seventeenth read, you'll be so eager for something else to happen (and so sick of those same predictably heroic or tragic characters), you won't know what hit you. [to be continued]

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, in which your sheer will can move mountains. Can't you see the power in understanding exactly what you're capable of… to be ever-ready to switch from one project to another, from the treadmill to yoga, from burgers and fries to veggies and rice, based upon on tiny wordless messages constantly emitting from millions of sensors all over your body? Once you master this 'listen to my inner voice' exercise, you can master anything. Now, I know you've always been intrinsically able to heed the intuitive whispers—as far as detecting when and how other people need some sort of care from you. This leg of the journey, however, is about applying that expertise to self-care, which, despite any thoughts to the contrary, is just as important, if not more. And you'll show yourself a tremendous amount of such care, if you spend your week plowing through mammoth portions of work, chores and physical self-maintenance… any- and everything you've been putting off, so you can get it off your plate in time for the holidays. Once you get going, you won't believe how quickly it's finished, especially if you don't mind alternating between this, that and the other, based upon how your motivation to do each one vacillates from hour to hour. Then… wow! what a fantastic mood you'll be in, having proven to yourself that you both understand your proficiencies and respect your natural rhythms. Incidentally, part of this internal oom-pah-pah you must follow is an organic ebb and flow of interpersonal giving and taking… because one day, you won't feel like you can move mountains (and due to that fact, you most likely couldn't), and you'll need somebody else to move 'em for you. If you can accept everything you're learning about yourself now and apply it to your relationships later, you just might even out some crooked scores you've accumulated over time, as an effect of generally being more comfortable giving than receiving. Hey, maybe that's sort of what all these personal challenges are really all about… [to be continued]

LEO (July 23-August 22): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, hardly much of a chapter at all, really; more, er, an interlude. If the past two or three years have felt like they were chock full of the type of personal 'work' that requires looking deeply within, ripping through self-perpetuated illusions and delusions, and taking a good hard look in the mirror… well, then, you should be happy to hear the 'work' called for in 2008 is far more cut and dry. Simply put, you are slated to expand upon this self-examination you recently completed, to grow into a new-but-simplified approach to what can (and/or should) be completed in a given day, paying a more diligent eye to both the financial nitty-gritty and the efficiency with which you expend your bodily energies. You'll be looking to accomplish more, but waste less. You'll want to advance your physical capabilities, while, at the same time, feel healthier and fitter. You have real, palpable, material tasks in front of you. And though the lazy luxurious lounger inside you may balk at this quick glance at your labor-filled year ahead… once you get into it, it's going to feel fantastic. For these last few weeks of '07, however, don't concern yourself with all you'll be attending to, come the new year. If anything, your head should be firmly attuned to absolutely zany partying, my fine Leo dudes and dudettes. I want to hear loud, nonsensical noises emitting from your yap-hole. I want to see ridiculous dance moves, outrageous outfits, mind-boggling layouts of delectable finger-foods and colorful sparkling punches ('so yummy, I could hardly taste the alcohol!'), and, most of all, a daring undertone to all your interactions, as if you're mischievously provoking everyone around you to match your insane level of unmitigated merriment. There's a real freedom to your present moment, sandwiched as it is between two periods of hard work. During this interlude, squeeze in as much fun as humanly possible, both for yourself and your loved ones. 21st-century existence is a weighty affair. We must grab the goofy silliness where we can get it. Please grab extra handfuls now, while there's plenty to go around. [to be continued]

VIRGO (August 23-September 22): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, in which you're advised to do whatever it takes to find peace with things as they are, to actually move on. Whoever raised you to become the adult you are did a decent enough job, wouldn't you agree? Surely you've had your share of complaints about the parenting you received (don't we all?), but ultimately you made it this far… and there must be plenty of parts of yourself you like, right? It's important to start off focusing on the positives, Virgo, or this could too quickly degenerate into your typical litany of criticisms (of you or of other people). I do want you to examine those pricklier bits of so-called 'wisdom' instilled in you by your caregivers, too… mainly to help you demystify that there were real-life back-stories behind the ideals you hold (and, as a result, the rigid rules you feel you must follow to be acceptable to the world). What I'm telling you is: There's no one right or wrong way to live. And while I'm quite sure you're smart enough to 'get' that statement intellectually… in your gut, I'm sure there are millions of tiny examples where your lived experience disputes that claim. But if you've permitted Jupiter to do his job over this past year, you've begun to see beyond this black-and-white thinking. When it comes to transforming awkward, bitter, bothersome or sorrowful feelings into comfortable acceptance, you're all you've got. It's nobody else's business how you move from unsettled to calm. It only becomes our business when you don't allow this alchemical procedure to proceed, instead freezing your foul moods inside, mid-metamorphosis… and trapping yourself in an endless rerun, where all the punch-lines and tragic soliloquys repeat themselves until they're merely compulsions. Then, we sort of lose you. And then we're annoyed—both at you and on your behalf. We want you to be available for dinner and drinks, tea and crumpets, or a hot night on the town (and/or in bed!). We want you to enjoy yourself. And that's why, whether it requires regular therapy or hypnotic reprogramming or a damn good boundary with family members or one simple 'that's it, I'm done!' moment of reclaiming, we just want you to acknowledge the conditioning you underwent… and to pick and choose what works for you here and now, so you can live in peace already. [to be continued]

LIBRA (September 23-October 22): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, which urges a confession of sorts. One of my favorite metaphors in describing one particular type of Libran conduct likens you to a highly skilled ventriloquist. How so, you might ask? Well, contrary to the angelic stereotype of you being super-agreeable and happy to surrender all decision-making to others, Libras are actually quite willful individuals. (But you know that already, of course.) The misperception is all in the carriage. When a clever Libra wants to get hold of what she wants, she'll likeliest take an indirect route… getting into the heads of other individuals involved, making subtle intimations without coming right out with the demand, and essentially 'throwing her voice' (using carefully chosen words and an unobtrusive tone) so the other person might even believe it was their own idea in the first place. Pretty crafty, huh? On the surface, you're seen as a people-pleaser—while, in full reality, you're also doing a damn good job of pleasing yourself, if only by evading a direct showdown. You do 'get' that this is a Libran tendency, right? What you might not get, however, is that there's no shame in it. I'm not criticizing you for it at all. It's an admirable quality, actually, this ability to adeptly defuse outward discord while still satisfying your own desires. Yet, I feel it's important for you to own up to this tact… as a reminder of just how much power you hold, with every well-timed wink and politically suave remark, to substantially impact others' choices. This is so necessary because, once you accept responsibility for this talent you possess, you'll be under more positive pressure to examine your private motivations behind why you do what you do. Yes, we're getting into much heavier territory here, far beyond glib appreciation of social interplay and its colorful cast of characters… into your underlying psychology, which goes far and deep into explaining exactly why you need certain relationships with certain people (or maybe even just 'types of people') to function in a certain way, in order to feel okay inside. Without asking these bigger questions, your defining interpersonal relationships may dip in quality, due to lacking an emotional richness. Without understanding what private needs are being met when you 'throw your voice', you might simply go through the motions, just to sustain an uneventful neutrality. And what happens when there are no people around to play off of or respond to, just you directly encountering your private needs? Don't you have to confront 'em head on? [to be continued]

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, where we dare you to loosen up. So let's backtrack here, shall we? Let's assume you read over the previous chapter (see: Chapter One link above) of this end-of-year wrap-up… and walked away feeling dissatisfied. (I suppose it's possible, even with my impeccable skills.) Perhaps you aren't ready to temper your hunger for more success. Maybe you haven't yet claimed that fat check you feel you're entitled to, or are still in the process of proving your immense capabilities in some madcap job that's draining the life-blood right out of you. Or is it that you've merely forgotten how to balance your ambitions for wealth, power, recognition or respect with the fluffier, frothier elements of being, where there's nothing to accomplish other than sharing a few pleasant moments with your co-voyagers in this nutty incarnation… if you ever knew how in the first place? Don't get me wrong, Scorpio—we love your nonstop intensity. In fact, we depend on it. But at certain junctures, it may become too much… particularly if it keeps you from establishing and maintaining friendships (or even cordial acquaintances) with all different kinds of people. You might pause here, to consider how fostering these relations might 'come in handy later', for making high-powered connections or calling in favors. Yet already, some of the innocent non-purposefulness of social conviviality is lost in the utilitarianism of such considerations. It's not about what you could get from it… other than, say, companionship or entertainment or the opening of your eyes to new ideas and outlooks. You don't want to achieve all your aims, but end up alone, detached and disengaged, do you? Then, you know what to do. But if you're not quite ready to bid farewell to that intense hunger… well, make one last big dramatic push to cinch the deal and bank the profit for yourself. However, please be over-the-top obvious about it, so we don't become mistrustful. [to be continued]

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, in which you decide how to make your life simpler and solider. Taking a stand for yourself, as if your life depended on it (because, in a certain sense, your ownership over it does), has never been so important. And, my god, Sagittarius, haven't you already withstood enough challenges (and rebelled with enough reckless abandon) to understand that it really is worth the chaos to reject making one last virtually unbearable compromise, even just one more time? Taking that stand for yourself has also never been so fraught with the promise that, once you've stood in bald-faced defiance of all that's been shoved down your throat with emotional coercion, there is no going back. This is the big one, so make it count—and make sure you really mean what you say, or you'll utter a massive non-retractable oops. With Jupiter and Pluto bidding your sign adieu in a super-powerful conjunction of pomp and passion and guts, you will hardly be able to keep from parading around like you own every place you visit this week. This is a marvelous boost to help you do the defining deed, if you're already confident about what has to happen. But if you're not careful, you'll come off like you think you're better than everybody else—though, regardless of the momentum behind your declaration of independence, you're as human as the rest of us. Don't confuse fighting for yourself with fighting against everybody else. Be content with determining what's right for you… without falling prey to the proselytizing fever that needs to be seen as objectively right. If you are truly stepping into your fullest potential, you needn't concern yourself with winning battles or proving your dominance. On the contrary, authentic power doesn't operate in relation to other people—it conveys itself as an entity all its own, and can stand solidly no matter what anybody else is doing. Will holding that stance eliminate the messy side-effects? Absolutely not. Yet, at least you won't be guilty of anything other than standing for yourself, which can hardly be considered a wrongdoing. [to be continued]

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, where we're expecting you to swallow the idea that not-knowing could perhaps be preferable to knowing, though it goes against everything you've trained yourself to think. The trickiest part of releasing the lifelong burden that keeps you hyper-vigilant about likeliest results of any and every action or attitude taken (and thus stuck in your head, trying to foresee the scenery ahead and tinker with your pre-established strategies accordingly)? Acknowledging, Capricorn, that you actually don't know what will happen next. Despite everything you tell yourself, confident in the affirming previous experiences you've had as an admitted control freak, the future is totally up for grabs. What you are able to do, thanks to a highly functional grasp on the methods with which one step rests on the next in logical progression, is to foresee (as I already said) the likeliest result. But that is never (never ever ever!) the only possibility… just the most predictable one. However, following that line of reasoning will only leave you, at the end of it all, with the most predictable life you could've led. As safe from unanticipated mishaps as humanly possible (though never actually safe), sure. Maybe a bit bored, too? Resentful? Left wondering what could've been, had you been more comfortable leaning on instinct and imagination? Don't settle for that, my dear. Your year ahead can be crammed full of wonderful surprises, which blow your previous expectations out of the water and broaden your horizons beyond previously imagined limits. Yet, you must accept the fact that your instincts are currently working better than your rational mind. Yes, it takes real bravery to listen to 'em, instead of convincing yourself to ignore what isn't logical. But that inner voice doesn't often lie. Respect your intuition, and follow its mysterious pull toward… [to be continued]

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, in which you tell them all how much they mean to you (with perhaps more liberal servings of emotion than you'd ordinarily provide), then inform them you might need their support more than ever. Let's face it, Aquarius—you wouldn't be where you are today without the multitude of comrades, connections, like-minded souls and devil's-advocate naysayers you surround yourself with. You know it, but they might not. After all, you usually do a damn good job of putting forth a rather self-reliant vibe… as if getting too attached to the support and encouragement any one person may proffer is like skating on very thin ice, and you'd rather just keep on zooming around instead of pausing at a crack and letting 'em see the frigid lake waters underneath. As 2007 draws to a close, the absolutely best possible action you could take would be to host one or many Friend Appreciation Evenings, during which you go all out to demonstrate just how thankful you are for the people in your life. It's not enough to see 'em when you see 'em, at mutual pals' dinner parties or around town. You must make a real effort, or else they're liable to underestimate just how much you care. Besides, you may need their support a whole lot more in '08, once Jupiter and Pluto slip behind the gauzy fog bank of your solar 12th… leaving you with many more questions (some of which you thought you'd already answered) about who you are and what you're supposed to be doing than you've entertained in a long long time. Thankfully, you've got folks who are more than happy to keep you from falling, during an upcoming phase when you might not feel like holding your own weight up on two standing legs. In fact, you may choose to slip away for large chunks of time during this next year, when an inability to describe your internal disturbances in understandable terms is likely to overtake … and while it's all in the name of opening your psychic sensors to subtler stranger energies, it's liable to leave you wanting to escape. As you toast your favorite people in these end-of-year gestures of deep appreciation, you must make them a promise: When you feel like escaping from every last earthly attachment, you'll still stay in touch with your peeps, so they can ensure you stay grounded. [to be continued]

PISCES (February 19-March 20): A December story, in three chapters. [Chapter One.] Chapter Two, in which a disorderly or riotous scene always proves more interesting than no scene at all. So, at this point, you really have nothing to lose. In all truth, I suppose that's not exactly accurate, since you could storm right into your boss's office or call up that intimidating lady who runs the whole organization and lift all those unvoiced feelings off your chest, without worrying about whether speaking from your heart will have a deleterious impact on your standing with them… and end up getting shit-canned before you've even finished having your say. That technically qualifies as 'losing' something (i.e., a job, one person's favorable opinion of you, a somewhat stable situation overall). But what about all that you'll lose by not coming out with your honest-to-God opinions? Dignity. Your potential to grow beyond where you already are. A chance to prove you're not a self-sabotaging martyr. A clear conscience. These all fall within the category of that which you aren't getting enough of, when you avoid that momentous meeting where you'd finally have to face the scary demon, to continue fumbling toward mediocrity. In other words, to reframe the situation: Whether you maneuver to maintain the existing status quo as is or if you throw the game-board high in the air and scatter pieces into every last corner of the room… either option likely entails losing one thing while gaining another. From this perspective, it's all a trade-off—what you've got now, or what's behind Curtain #3, which could just as easily prove to be a million-dollar contract or an old crippled donkey… or the ability to keep what you've got now and also gain a million-dollar contract (and a donkey, too?). You just won't know 'til you're willing to give up the sure predictability for the tumult of transforming your life. As one who likes to cover my own ass, I can't exactly tell you what to do. I won't be responsible for unforeseen side-effects of leaping off the building, Pisces. I can only outline what your different possible choices represent. And I can tell you this: With Jupiter and Pluto conjoining at the top of your solar chart, your week just may solve the 'should I?' dilemma for you. The underlying power-dynamic reality will show its true colors, warts and all… and before anybody can stop it, something big goes down. [to be continued]