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Horoscopes | Week of December 3-9, 2007

ARIES (March 21-April 19): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which the deciding game-point rests on how adeptly you can condense your multitude of experiences into a single set of guiding principles, and whether you're presently living according to that law (or may still need to make one or two major corrective adjustments). Your bottomless list of chores to complete, and reasons to stay compliantly on task, can (with a few small exceptions) happily wait for next year. Don't feel guilty about choosing your own sanity, which clearly craves excitement and adventure, over fulfilling the same mundane day-to-days that'll reappear, in identical form, just as soon as you complete this go-around. Instead, go balls out, for no other purpose than to relieve your stress and stimulate your senses with activities that really get you going. If you stop to think further about it, actually, life could be like that all the time, couldn't it? Maybe you've sold yourself short, Aries, if your lifelong desire to be smack dab in the middle of the action has been diverted into a resigned acceptance that adults are somehow supposed to lead dull, dreary, errand-filled existences. But if you have more oom-pah-pah and get-up-and-go than such a rote or sedentary lifestyle can adequately nourish (and I believe you do), then what the hell are you thinking cramming your super-energetic nature into too small a container? Haven't you learned enough about what's right and not-so-right for you so that, if you opt not to follow those lessons to the letter, it'll be painfully obvious you are living out of integrity with yourself? Ignore your essential need for vigorous engagement with the rawness of being human, and you'll simply end up edgy, annoyed and irritable… a veritable time-bomb of trapped life-force which will seek a release, in one fashion or another, sooner or later. And try as you might to mentally distinguish between your 'personal' life and that which you do for career and/or monetary purposes, neither your body nor your soul can perpetuate such false distinctions. That's why if your professional situation or role in the community stifles your spirit, or is otherwise akin to embodying a zombie-tastic 'living dead' sort of half-personhood… fuck, Aries, you've got to find a way out of that horror film, whether through demanding massive script changes or by walking off the set altogether. [to be continued]

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which you admit you can barely live with yourself, as long as this tension (romantic or adversarial, creative or destructive) still simmers, unexpressed. So come out with it already. One deep, dense glance into your eyes reveals traces of the story your lips have been hesitant to spell out… but the full heft of it is obviously there, lying in wait for its curtain call. That most important audience member (you know who it is) is more than ready for the real show to start. Can't you hear your name being called from offstage, a powerful prompt? Isn't this it? Or perhaps a better question: How much further will you go on, letting this unspoken knowledge bear down on your chest, compressing your lungs until you can barely stand it anymore? You might even imagine, Taurus, that death would be easier than confessing this big looming Truth, which you've been hinting at or trying to evade, hoping they'd say it for you or just leave before you have to lower the boom… for you have a sense, and rightfully so, that to finally voice the gut-wrenching reality of what goes on inside you (and consequently underscores your behavior in this relationship, and every other, too) is in fact equivalent, in itself, to a host of metaphoric deaths… to the way things have been for so long, to your feeble (but nonetheless handy-dandy) defense mechanisms, and to every last excuse you use to hold them at arm's length. But, between us, aren't you so totally and completely prepared for this passing? Aren't you ready to shut the book on your secret shame and, by doing so, move closer to the rest of humanity by one more giant step? Come on out, and live out here in the great wide open with the rest of us, my dear. Shove the remnants all the way to one side or the other. Put it to bed, once and for all. Launch those words off the tip of your tongue, then stand back. Saying it may be uncomfortable for everyone, at least at first, but there's really no other choice, except to default to continuing your silent screams for acknowledgment, to dragging your heels, to waiting it out indefinitely, with more of the same stretching onward forever, only with added bitterness at what could've been, clutched even more tightly, offering absolutely no solace… [to be continued]

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, a logical extension of your age-old questions about relationships, and what place they can and should (or can't and shouldn't) hold in your life. (Even though this dispatch is clearly labeled 'Chapter One', we should also probably include last week's horoscope as something of a preface to the tale we're about to launch into.) This is a story about what a short-attention-span Gemini such as yourself might do when met with a 'when it rains, it pours' profusion of possible companionship options, with multiple attractive individuals who'd all fit (with greater or lesser comfort) into some important position in your life, should you choose to ally with 'em. The judgmental Gemini-phobes floating around out there would probably expect you to play all sides, in some duplicitous display to fuel your own ego, without necessarily committing (at least 'authentically', they might claim) to any one person… and think poorly of you, as a result. But let's tune out such hopelessly biased lines of reasoning. (We all have our versions of such ego weakness, not just you Geminis.) And just because you're more likely than others to understand the value in maintaining a variety of personal connections, each with their own associated appeal—you are, first and foremost, a 'people person'—that doesn't automatically make you shady. Yet, you'd be pulling the wool over your own eyes, if you tried convincing yourself that there is no negative consequence to perpetually keeping one foot out the door in every relationship, lest you feel suddenly claustrophobic and need to hastily dash toward the nearest somebody else who'll make fewer or less-demanding demands. But that's not to say you are an incurable non-monogamist or field-player, either. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you some of your year was spent grappling with how involved you want to become—and confronting your own fear-inspired flight instincts, through discovering a situation from which you don't want to escape (even if, at the same time, you still sort of do). As this year comes to a big climax over these final few weeks, you're on track toward tackling the biggest relationship issues yet: Do you want to get married? break up? see other people? go into business together? finally stop searching, out of the corner of your eye, for the next great lover and accept the one you've already got? or quit beating yourself up for being pathologically single and just get a grip? No matter which direction it goes (maybe one way first, then abruptly the other), you won't get out scot-free. There are profound ramifications, any way you cut it. Surprisingly, that profundity is extremely right on… even if it also happens to scare the living shit out of you. [to be continued]

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which we agree, yes, you've been subject to your fair share of hassles lately. Where else could we begin this tale, Cancer, but with the acknowledgment of Mars retrograde's continued pestering of members of your sign? Would it help if I told you this passing period of discombobulating funk is actually leading to something? Because it is, you know. I hold inklings of just what these upcoming developments might be, but I'm contractually obligated to restrain myself for the time being. After all, what really matters is right now. And right now, what really matters is maintaining lots of psychic space for yourself. That's why your energies have been all topsy-turvy, inconsistent, unreliable and outright bizarre recently: To turn you even more conscious of every slight shift in your being, moment to moment, so you can become even better at taking care of yourself. Along the way, you'll hopefully discover which habitual practices help you reassert some degree of healthy regularity… and which are bound to throw you off-course, by their extreme nature. Without living a productive earthly Cancerian life, you cannot successfully carry out any of the activities you find emotionally meaningful—because you're too busy starving or bingeing, catching up on lost sleep, fighting off colds, healing sprains, and trying to overcompensate for these little inconveniences by tackling mammoth piles of work that, once you become sick and tired of laboring too hard, lead you back to the same unsustainable behaviors that got you there in the first place. Exhausted, yet? Well, it's that downward-spiraling hamster-wheel behavior loop the planets are trying to break you free from, silly. But it ain't easy, no doubt about that. Since you're usually so well-behaved, it's all right if, under these extenuating pressures, you feel like acting a bit bratty. Just this week, uncover little ways to be harmlessly rascally, but with the understanding you're only partway through a massive shift in your stance toward yourself and others, so you mustn't sabotage the entire endeavor by being really troublesome or problematic. Don't forget, there is a larger cosmic purpose behind it all, if that's anything consolation… [to be continued]

LEO (July 23-August 22): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which it ain't so bad, after all. Arguably, the most exciting news you Leos received during 2007 (whether you actually understood the bulletin or not) was of Saturn's departure from your sign, where it wreaked havoc on your natural magnetism for a good couple years (mid-'05 to mid-'07), causing many of you to worry that your majestic Leonine gorgeousness had been lost forever. Guess what? It's not gone, is it? Not only is it back, but it's better than ever… mainly because now you (hopefully) appreciate the brilliant ease with which you can usually express your innately generous spirit (when Saturn's not fucking with you, that is). One occasional pitfall of the Leo experience, alas, is getting so caught up in a moment's emotional happenings that you overdramatize its overall relevance to your life, such that (for instance) one minute's moody moping is suddenly rewritten into, 'I've been so depressed for so long, I think I'm going to die!' I raise this issue so you may immediately check, for excessive theatricality, any statements you'd utter about how you're presently feeling… and then look back, say, six months or a year or two, to realize how much better off you are now, in terms of outlook and ability to meet the world with your best face forward. It has gotten better, hasn't it? If all's gone according to astrological design, you spent the last phase of life tightening up what it means to be you, that unique individual the world has never met before and will never meet again. You have a more clear understanding of that which is genuinely part of your being, as well as what's merely behavior you carry out to try and impress others but which ultimately doesn't suit you. And now that that's taken care of, you'll be spending the next chunk of time figuring out how best to be of service to humanity at large. That is, you are being asked to evaluate your own worth from a higher perspective than merely what your ego may want you to be… and, having made that honest assessment, to dedicate yourself to the hard work required to share those most valuable qualities you hold in ways that directly benefit others. But before that happens, you should close your year out on a celebratory note: no worries, no burdens, no headaches. When it comes to havin' a grand old time, don't you have some overdue revelry to catch up on? [to be continued]

VIRGO (August 23-September 22): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, an endorsement of you squeezing in one last bit of backstage brooding, before you get out of your head and back into the world. I completely understand how staying at home, tinkering with where precisely to situate your favorite figurines on the shelves, then dusting them ever so eloquently, while you play and replay your still-swirling emotional reactions to real and perceived slights and injustices large and small, is often the most desirable option. Behind closed doors, you owe nobody a conciliatory hug or a toned-down performance of how you're really feeling (since it would be 'so distasteful'). You can just let 'er rip, knowing you ultimately hold complete control over how to process all these bends and dips you've withstood… and, all the while, possessing a myriad of home-based behaviors and habits to fall back on, as therapeutic substitution and/or escapist relief. Away from the prying eyes, you're free to express exactly what you're going through (to yourself, at least)—the good, but, more importantly, the bad and the ugly—and nobody can judge you for it (except you, that is). Well, the funny truth about that line of thinking, Virgo, is you're actually just as free to do just that when you're not alone or hidden from view. In fact, you don't have to stuff down your emotional truth, in order to sustain the well-ordered exterior you believe 'has them all fooled' (and are they really that clueless?). Maybe, just maybe, the hardest parts of your inner experience are only exacerbated by that sense of seclusion you create by holding 'em in, forcing polite but distancing small-talk with the people who actually care greatly for you, and sobbing or screaming only when no one's nearby. Who can provide you solace or support when you burrow away into dark alcoves, like a sick animal curling up to puke or die? Who taught you to do that? (Yes, this is a learned behavior—think about that.) You have every right to keep your feelings to yourself, especially if you're still trying to figure 'em out. But it's not your only choice… [to be continued]

LIBRA (September 23-October 22): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which you pause to appreciate all the people you've come into contact with this year, and then to wonder what you exactly you gained from it. With this one final week of Venus cruising through your home-sign, you should continue to experience no shortage of clean-and-clear social interactions, in which you're able to come off 'smelling like a rose'… and to walk away with, more or less, just what you wanted. Have you noticed, Libra, that, even when Venus isn't directly gifting you with added sparkle and shimmer via transit, your immaculate conversation skills perpetually offer you easy access to a multitude of different kinds of folks? This is perhaps a greater gift than you might ordinarily stop to take credit for possessing, since it does come as second nature to you. But in your near-involuntary process of fostering gracious exchanges with whomever you might encounter, there's the threat you could also be taking for granted the unique qualities each human creature embodies and displays… simply out of the effortless repetition of smiling, nodding, asking semi-engaging questions (nothing too probing, but still with some substance), and not committing to very-strongly-expressed convictions (at least on record). The habit I've just described fits a certain unflattering stereotype your Libran ilk sometimes falls victim to: always polite to a fault, willing and eager to draw most anybody into charming chit-chat, yet hesitant to either give too much of yourself or press too deeply into anyone else. At the end of the day, such behavior is obviously intended more to (1) maintain a peaceful atmosphere, so as to avoid confrontation and discomfort at all costs and/or (2) perpetuate a particular, carefully controlled image of one's self than, say, to forge meaningful relationships in the world. Does this describe you and your behaviors, Libra? You have every right to take umbrage with this characterization of you, if, in fact, it doesn't speak to you. You may deservedly lash back with a comprehensive list of all the significant connections you've formed or furthered, over many years or in just a few important moments, and how much you've learned from them. You could even pontificate about the high existential value of dipping liberally into the sea of human diversity, and I'd have to wholeheartedly agree with you there. But if the tiniest kernel of description resonated with you, then please take note. Just because you can reliably prevent interactions from becoming awkward, keep the social juices flowing, and wow every last person with how 'nice' you are… that doesn't mean you're getting anything out of it. Social autopilot gets the job done, but to what end? [to be continued]

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which the net dividends of 2007 are accounted for. Rounding up the tail end of another year in the life of a Scorpio, and the question begging to be asked: What have you earned for yourself in '07? Perhaps better yet: Was it all it was cracked up to be? Was it enough? Throughout these many months, growth-oriented Jupiter has been occupying your 2nd house, where we gather the resources at our disposal into a prize-package representing our personal wealth. Typically, that places money and other material possessions at the top of the list… but beyond such a surface-level interpretation, the 2nd also symbolizes that which we find great value in, such as our most admirable skills and traits that might be deployed in acquiring earthly security for ourselves. Above all else, this house is a zone of self-worth, with financial indicators as but one reflection (albeit a major one) of how we ultimately appraise our caliber. So, Scorpio, do you feel richer? more confident? personally safer in this crazy dog-eat-dog world? I certainly hope so. You've certainly had plenty of opportunity to make these strides. But even if you haven't seen a boost in self-reliance or cold hard cash, the astro-tides are goading you toward a less blatantly self-serving approach in '08… not because there's anything wrong with serving one's self, but because it only gets you so far. And where it won't get you is closer to your fellow humans. Surely you've noticed your intense manner often intimidates many of the non-Scorpio folks out there, right? Have you ever speculated as to the reasons why? Let me suggest one possibility (among many, of course): You are so unbelievably slick at angling for what you want, without ever showing your whole hand to the audience, that we can't help but suspect something more is going on beneath your poker face (because it is), and that can make us nervous. Especially in light of Jupiter's yearlong transit through a self-serving house in your solar chart. Which is why it's about time to quit trying so hard… to let up on rabidly pursuing goals, regardless of your recent relative success or frustration in these matters… and to reestablish a lighter-weight focus on simply mingling with peeps of all persuasions. [to be continued]

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which we wax philosophic about a year (or a decade) of spectacular highs and lows, and ponder what's next. What a long, strange trip it's been, eh? Am I talking about just this past year, when ruling planet Jupiter reignited your sign's enthusiasm for life by making every subtle shade so much bigger and bolder and more friggin' obvious? Or is it even bigger than that… considering Pluto has been lodged in your sign since 1995 (yes, you're reading that correctly), essentially dredging up every last fragment of psychological residue from all the wounds, injustices, disappointments and disempowering events you've ever endured? No wonder you haven't necessarily felt as happy-go-lucky and free-spirited as all the intro-to-astrology books describe you as being. Well, Sagittarius, since you are the meaning-making philosopher of the zodiac, I'm hoping you can see it's all been worth it (even the undeniably shitty parts), as long as you can say you've learned something about what your life is ultimately all about. So, have you? Good, glad to hear it. Within the coming weeks, both Jupiter and Pluto are moving out of your sign… buying you the opportunity to, at last, start to settle into a far less dramatic, maybe even (dare I use such a word) stable existence, where you can count on things to remain at a certain level for a certain while, without so much nonstop fucking change all the time. Can you even imagine? It'd seriously be a whole 'nother world! But before you get there, you still have one more big, bold, obvious gesture of self-assertion left to make. Quite likely, it involves drawing one ultimate boundary-line between your past and your future, whether establishing new ground-rules with family members or other intimates, a new peace with where you came from, and/or a new refusal to subject yourself to the old familiar emotional self-tortures. And perhaps this gesture is one of the hardest yet. But this week and next are unquestionably the ideal time to enact this final cut. Indeed, it may be nearly impossible to resist… [to be continued]

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which we whisper about some crazy magical notion that you'll actually grow younger as you age, if that's something you'd want to happen. One of the old adages about you Capricorns is that you often prove to be late bloomers… while, at the same time you also often spend much of your childhood posturing as 'little adults'. What an odd contrast, you might imagine, between coming into a certain degree of maturity at such a young age and yet not truly 'coming into your own' until much further along in life. What do you make of that? As I see it, this strange, almost backwards approach to life stems from you having such a keen functional understanding of how one action or attitude will likely lead to another… and how, naturally wanting to do the best job at achieving whatever results you set your sights on beforehand, you choose to make each move ever so carefully, according to your predetermined awareness of what's 'appropriate' and 'inappropriate' (at least insofar as it pertains to getting what you want from a given situation). To do just that, beginning early in youth and continuing that direction unfettered, may certainly have kept you 'on top of your game'—but gosh, Capricorn, what a weighty existence! That's why, eventually, once all goes well in his personal development, each Capricorn will reach a pivotal point (or a series of them) where he decides, 'To hell with such pressure! Following these rules may protect me from the sheer terror of life's haphazard randomness (only to a certain degree, of course), but it's friggin' exhausting. And has it made me any happier?' Which is why, as a Capricorn releases this lifelong burden of doing as he is supposed to—instead opting to do whatever brings him the most bliss—he appears to grow younger to the rest of the world. After all, he's proven himself already, throughout the precocity of his younger years. Now what? According to the astrological calendar, this may be one of the ripest moments to ponder this question in your entire lifetime. [to be continued]

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, a confirmation of how the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts, along with a modest recognition that you are only one part, with scant little awareness of how the whole is designed to function. That last bit is actually sort of odd and ironic, don't you think… considering that Aquarius is supposedly the one zodiac sign who does hold a vision for how exactly the components of systems are elaborately interrelated? That characterization of you Aquarians is generally true, for the record. But you're quickly reaching the end of a particular line in how consciously you can contribute 'your special piece of the puzzle', since it's becoming increasingly fuzzy which pieces qualify as the most 'special' in the rapidly changing context of your social milieu (and which pieces, perhaps, have overstayed their welcome)… not to mention, you're now also missing the box that once contained all the pieces, and thus can't work off the full-color picture on the front of the box, and therefore have no real idea what picture the pieces are supposed to form, and are, consequently, running through an ever-darkening landscape that lacks familiar landmarks. Still, you must keep the pace. As such, it's now crucial you be the best team player you can, making sure everybody inject his and her voice into the decision-making process—and not assuming to know what the appropriate end result should be. This can be a bit frustrating, in that proceedings could drag on longer than you'd wanted (and drive you rather bonkers with the slowdown). But the goodwill you create will more than make up for it, as you rest more trustingly on the feedback of folks who've, incidentally, been eagerly awaiting this opportunity to participate more actively alongside you… and who can seriously help relieve some of the anxiety you may begin to feel more acutely over coming months, as your vision becomes temporarily clouded by a different sort of seeing. Not only that, as this year gives way to the next, you'll be entering a realm where you may need to back away some from your social commitments—mainly because you require a psychic recharge, in advance of a super-dynamic 2009 (but also you may seem a little 'out of it' on the practical level to others in '08, though it's merely a translation issue). You'll soon be entering an alternative universe, a strange but spellbinding dream-world where your imagination will get a vigorous workout… but your mind won't always know what's going on. [to be continued]

PISCES (February 19-March 20): A December story, in three chapters. Chapter One, in which it pays to insist on getting yourself noticed, or else it doesn't to not. Many inches of horoscope space have been expended, over these recent many months, on beseeching you to push for more in your professional position or community role. The potent astro-mix of (1) both Jupiter and Pluto in your solar 10th, broadening your view on what's possible and desirable on the big public stage, while jabbing you to challenge the existing power structure to attain it, and (2) Uranus continuing to electrify your sign with defiant notions, rebellious attitudes, and an urge to stir things up, just to do something different… this seemed like an ideal formula to prevent you from treading water in the same damn location forever, waiting for some ship to come and rescue you from an infinite expanse of blue, and directly toward the riskier-but-more-rewarding unknowns. Well, how has it gone, Pisces? Have you rocked the boat, broken the ice, or slashed-and-burned traditional expectations? Have you freed yourself from the dangerous trap of courteous submission? Judge your progress by whether, when it comes to your current stance vis-à-vis what you're doing out there in the world, you're feeling (1) totally confused or nervous, out of control, having bitten off a scary new bite of life (more responsibilities, an entirely different setting, a new character or two to acquaint yourself with), or (2) totally antsy, bored, without any departure from the routine to look forward to. Trust me, that first option—which, don't get me wrong, isn't particularly pleasant or soothing—is the far more positive indicator. It's the other decision, to settle for something less than stimulating or rewarding because it's simpler not to hunt for alternatives or attempt extricating yourself from a psychologically embroiling work zone, that's worrisome. Should you follow that path, you may avoid too much uncomfortable attention (which, yes. could mean far fewer variables, less drama, and a certain degree of 'stability')… but over time, your soul will eventually fade into the background, as you privately contend with the reality of never having fought for your own greater satisfaction. That scenario sounds so dreary, it's almost enough of an impetus to do whatever it takes to cause a major ripple, so, one way or another, they won't forget about you, play down your importance, or route you into a dead-end existence that sucks you dry 'til you die. It's never too late to pull a fast one, to keep life interesting. And if you've held off all year in making such a move, these next couple weeks (yes, holiday season approaching and all) offer you one exceedingly unusually wonderful chance… [to be continued]