I had intended to spend the earlier part of today writing an astro-article for you.
Only problem is, I woke up enraged. Kind of puts a damper on one's mood to wax instructive about this planet conjoining that planet.
It didn't help that I had an anger-filled dream during my morning slumber one in which I was going continuously ballistic in a public place, yelling and screaming, stealing and breaking things, hitting people, then trying to run away and escape from the police. (And oddly, in the dream, I was supposed to be at home writing a paper about what my parents mean to me.) When I finally dragged my ass out of bed, my ambitions for a productive day had given way to a desire to flatten myself out on the couch, pop on the tube, and finish the leftover wine.
Instead, I struck a compromise with myself (one of the sort I highly recommend to writers who must navigate cranky emotional conditions): I decided to write about the very state of mind that, otherwise, would have kept me from writing. After all, it dawned on me this fine rage-filled morn, today (Sun Dec 20) is the day that Mars appears to stand still in the sky. As of 5:26 a.m. San Francisco time (likely near the exact moment of my dream), Mars is retrograde.
I suppose, then, my astrologer's brain has presumed a correlation. (Duh.) Mars does rule anger and aggression, yelling, hitting, breaking things, taking what I want no matter who the hell else may be its rightful owner you know, that sort of thing. And when a planet looks stationary from our earthly vantage-point, its archetypal properties tend to take on exaggerated importance.
That probably also explains why I woke up raging yesterday, too. There was no dream involved, merely my spoiled-brat reaction to having been left out of the fun plans being put together by my partner and friends. That previous day's rage was, unfortunately, vented all over partner and friends (and dog, who, in my irrational seethe, had obviously 'been in on it' too). My hour or two of bad behavior was promptly followed by another hour or two of annoying groveling, the latter my measly effort to neutralize the former.
Come to think of it, I spent much of this week throwing little fits (or wanting to throw little fits) in between the many instances where I had to suck up my irritations, for personal or professional reasons, in order to hold myself together in situations where 'little fits' would've been disastrous. Now that it finally dawns on me how Mars's directional switch to retrograde is the probable astro-player here, it all makes so much more senseand hopefully will provide the necessary perspective so that I don't lose my shit (at least no more than is 'warranted'?).
Don't mistake my personal sharing as a surefire indication that you too will endure amplified rage during Mars's station and/or retrograde though it's certainly possible you could share this experience. First and foremost, astrological events impact those of us who have natal placements (i.e., planets in our birthcharts) that are closely aspected by them. In my case, as a quadruple Aquarius (four planets in this sign), I'm facing Mars's retrograde in Leo as a quadruply opposing force over a protracted period of time. (Lucky me.) Plus, because my natal Mars in Taurus squares my Aquarius planets all the time, I already suffer from Mars-related tension in my chart. This Mars retrograde will obviously test how consciously aware I am of the resentments, frustrations and outright rages that live alongside my more 'pleasant' parts of self.
As I've readily admitted to you in my last article about this present Mars business, I find Mars retrograde to be a fairly elusive phenomenon to confidently describe, as I've seen its manifestations vary widely from one to the next, and from individual to individual. Wherever our assertive energies have been most recently directed, Mars will redirect them elsewhere often to a more inward focus, an alternative approach, or an altogether different object of desire.
For me, then, I suppose Mars's confrontational opposition to my Aquarian planets has challenged my recent optimistic embrace of those responsibilities I bear to others (whether to specific individuals, a broader team, or society as a whole), stirring a 'what about me?!?' dissatisfaction that seems to be expressing itself through anger. That's one interpretation, at least.
Now, what am I supposed to do to work out this snag? Guess I've got some time to figure it out, trial-and-error-style. Mars is retrograde through mid-March, don't you know. For now, though, writing about it helps.
9 Faces of Mars in Leo (10.23.09)