'I've Got it All Figured Out…'


'… as long as I keep it all moving: my thoughts, my words, this conversation with you or whomever else floats past my face, my side of the story.'

'I can feel spring itching from beneath my skin, ready to poke its hyperactive head out from hiding… it's coming so soon, and it wants me to point forward, aim ahead and not worry so much about what's already come, or at least coming, to an end.'

'I tell myself, "Get going. Think of something new already, and quit thinking about whether what I'm thinking will work smoothly, function properly or stay intact. Don't dwell. Don't stop. In fact, don't 'don't' anything…"

'… and then I wonder, Am I getting ahead of myself? But I'm being ridiculous. It's impossible to get ahead of myself if I'm always me. Where could I possibly go? How far from my actual me could I ever get, without my body-weight springing me back into this fleshy docking station? There's nowhere to go without me. But with me, there are no limits… so I go, and it doesn't really matter where.

'I know what you're thinking: I'm always talking about myself, thinking about myself, and talking about what I'm thinking about myself… no, I'm serious: I know what you're thinking. Well, I guess I could be wrong, but if this is not what you're thinking, maybe it's what you should be thinking… I do talk about, and think about, myself a lot. By the way, I was just kidding about the should—who am I to tell you what you should be thinking… but maybe you actually are thinking what I think you're thinking, without even being aware that's what you're thinking. I understand. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking until I say it.

'In case you're wondering, I am aware you may have come here looking for information about astrology, and this is not as much a tangent as you might think. I know what I'm talking about… for starters, three words: Mercury in Aries. Mercury is how I process information mentally, how I absorb and transmute and transmit, deliver this message from here and receive that one from there. Oh, Mercury isn't just my communication medium; he's all of ours. It's the Aries part that's me, pure and simple. If there's one thing I know for sure, that's me. And you? What do you think about me? Ah, I'm just kidding again…

'I'm hungry. I want a burger from that place downtown, so that's exactly where I'm headed. Did I forget to call you back? That's cool—I'll catch you when I get home. I'll take care of it later, I don't have anything else to… oh, shit! I think I left the front door unlocked… I'll just call my neighbor and have her lock it with her spare key. "Hello… do you mind… what do you mean… can't you just run over real quick and… no, I need it done now… and while you're at it, see if I left my bank card on the kitchen table, I think I forgot… oh no, here it is in my pocket… oh, you mean the door was already locked?"

'Did I neglect to mention that fast-paced-train-of-thought, action-first-forethought-second Mercury in Aries is turning retrograde this week? Yeah, on Saturday evening, though I think I already noticed its wrath beginning to take effect last week, when my plane was delayed and my email went down and I left my cell-phone in a taxi and the driver racked up, like, $300 of charges calling India and the UK and because I didn't let the cell-phone company know until after the calls were made, they expect me to pay for the bill. Hell, no, I ain't payin' that bill! I just rang up the taxi service and told them exactly what I think and if they don't like it, too damn bad because they are going to pay those charges, even if I have to sic the Channel 7 consumer-advocate reporter on their ass…

'Sorry I got distracted. You're thinking maybe I should have told you about Mercury retrograde (Mar 19-Apr 12) a little sooner in this rant? Someone told me once to lead with the important information instead of hiding it way down in the body of the piece… but, oh well, too bad. Whatever I miss now, I'll catch the next time around, right? We can't stop time just because Mercury is retrograde, even if I expect hassles, communicative and transportational and the like, to continue. Even if I'm willing to admit that I might be causing many of these hassles by rushing myself. (Damn these Mercury retrogrades in fire signs!) My spitting it right out may be confusing in the short term, but it's no reason to hold back.

'I must keep going. Slow, subtle, standstill… these are just not in the cards right now. Come the end of this week, the Sun moves into Aries—happy spring equinox! (or happy autumn equinox, for my southerly sisters and brothers!)—and initiates a whole new zodiacal year, a whole new cycle, and I have a whole bunch of things I've been meaning to start. I don't know why everybody insists on making their resolutions on January 1st, when astrology clearly wants us to begin again in the middle of March. If only I ran the world…

'…and, as long as I commit to thrusting onward, to new-new-new minus fear-fear-fear, I'm one or two steps closer. Beyond that, I don't know… I mean, I know, but I don't know, you know? It's not about understanding. It's about commencement. While Mercury is still retrograde, the next eclipse is coming (Apr 8), in (what else?) Aries. Running and shouting, I cry, "The sky is not falling… I am rising… hear me roar, and get out of my damn way!" I already feel it, but I'll tell you more another time.

'What? What's that, you say? Have I overlooked you? I know I've been talking a lot, and moving around and twitching and stuff… oh, remind me, I can't forget to file my taxes or get those pants altered or polish my… oh, sorry, I was saying… that's right, the social contract and sharing space and subtle signs and spiritual stepping-stones and stuff. I really do care about you. I have a lot to listen to, to learn. I must observe and show consideration. I must, I must… I must increase my bust… oh, just kidding again…

'I really want to show you how much I really care. I love your hair. What can I do for you? And will you remind me?'