Rules of Astrological Compatibility (Be Damned)

10.6.03


As this week's continuation of my month-long look at astrology and relationships, I will (1) temporarily contradict my firm refusal to advocate simplistic astrological compatibility formulas by explaining why certain signs are "supposed to" get along with other signs and (2) then stick to my guns by explaining why these formulas don't work.

(In other words, for a brief moment, you're going to get those simple relationship answers everyone seems to want—before I rain on the parade and deconstruct those answers with one simple truth.)

To begin, let's remember that the twelve zodiac signs are divided into groups of three based upon the four elements—fire, earth, air and water. Fire signs are Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. Earth signs are Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn. Air signs are Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. And water signs are Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. Click here to read my descriptions the qualities of each element that link its signs together.

Among the four elements, fire and air are traditionally considered the positive (i.e., active, masculine, Apollonian, yang) signs, while earth and water are the negative (i.e., passive, feminine, Dionysian, yin) signs. There is no doubt all these terms are "loaded" in the sense, for instance, of linking notions of "active" and "masculine" (or "negative" and "feminine")—a particularly precarious notion in light of the overwhelming preference toward yang/male characteristics in modern Western culture and the battles feminists are forced to fight to overcome this bias. Likewise, these terms are not intended to feminize male earth-and-water-sign folks or masculinize female fire-and-air signs.

And yet there is something to these polarities, such that fire and air signs tend to be more extroverted, objective and externally focused, while earth and water signs are generally more introverted, subjective and inwardly directed. For our purposes, it is less important to assert the absolute applicability of these qualities to their signs—the main point to be made is that there is an inherent kinship between fire and air signs and between earth and water signs.

Now, bear with me as I outline yet another division of the twelve signs, this time into three groups of four known as the quadruplicities (or qualities)—cardinal, fixed and mutable. Cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn) are marked by a drive toward initiating action, making movement in the world and forging new beginnings. Fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius) preserve, sustain and create stability from what has already been begun. And mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces) bring change and adaptability, helping shift existing structures into the new reality of what is to come.

These qualities are related to where each sign falls within its natural earthly season. The cardinal signs begin each season—e.g., Aries marks the start of spring, Cancer initiates summer, etc.—during which time that season's traits make themselves sharply known. Fixed signs fall in the middle third of each season, representing the most predictable and perfect representation of the season. Mutable signs bring up the tail end of each season as it begins to give way to the next approaching season. Again, the important thing to remember is that there are certain attributes shared between the four signs of each quadruplicity.

I've provided this basic introduction to the different ways astrology groups the signs together so as to demystify the methods pop-astrologers use to come up with their compatibility grids. Because, once you understand these basic classifications, the pop-astrology compatibility generally follows a few easy rules…

(1) Signs of the same element are highly compatible. Geminis and Aquarians get along because they are both air signs, motivated by intellectual curiosity and a gift for gab. These two can lose themselves in abstract conversations for hours. Virgos and Capricorns, meanwhile, share a sense of logic, earthy practicality and strategic acumen.

(2) Signs of different elements within the same polarity—a fire sign and an air sign, for example—also tend to get along well, with a less intense but still relatively drama-free compatibility. A Taurus and a Cancer both take a slower, more home-oriented approach to life, with the Taurean as the stable grounded one and the Cancerian as the sensitive emotional feeler. The Leo and the Libra enjoy a pleasant time together, as the Leo takes a more center-stage dramatic role while the Libra adds a subtle form of charm and charisma to the mix.

(3) Signs of the same quadruplicity are a more explosive combination, with the promise of great passion as well as intense conflict. For instance, Aquarius and Scorpio, two fixed signs, are both stubborn and very into their own unique takes on life. The Aquarian wants to be surrounded by people so he can theorize about society and plot various revolutions, while the Scorpio turns her talents to exploring the psychological depths of quieter, more intimate situations to understand power dynamics within relationships. They both think they are experts and will either learn tremendous amounts from each other or drive each other stark raving mad. If you want to watch two folks with very different ways of acting in the world, try getting an Aries and a Capricorn together, and watch the sparks fly—though whether these are romantic sparks or an exchange of unfriendly fire remains to be seen.

(3a) Two signs opposite each other—both of the same polarity and the same quadruplicity—have the potential for the best and worst of both scenarios. That is, they share compatible interests and orientations, similar ways of being in the world. But opposing signs also represent two sides of a coin, two ends of a dichotomy that crave balance—but if the balance is out of whack, one is likely to overpower the other, or both will be holding too tightly to their own side.

(4) Signs that don't share an element or a quadruplicity are simply very different energies from each other, usually lacking an easy ability to connect and a strong passionate like (or dislike) for each other. Pairings like these—Leo and Pisces, Gemini and Capricorn, etc.—require that each individual come far out of his/her comfort level to adapt to interests and ways of being that may be quite different from their own. Which, of course, can be either a wonderfully enriching relationship opportunity or too frustrating to bother with.

And that leads me to part two of what I promised you at the beginning of this article, my explanation of why the above-mentioned rules for compatibility aren't reliable. I could simply reiterate my statement of two weeks ago, the reminder that we are more than our Sun signs. But it goes beyond that, for we could look at an entire birthchart to see which zodiac sign(s) is prominent beyond the Sun sign and still try to use the compatibility rules to locate the perfect match.

No, my reasoning for rejecting easy astro-compatibility models is far plainer than that, almost too damn simple to beg stating. But here goes: We each seek something different in a relationship. Obvious—and true—and a big roadblock to being able to ever confidently state that Leos belong with Aries or Sagittarians with Geminis.

Some of us want the highly-charged, romantic, love-at-first-sight types of relationships. Others want something a little slower and more stable, perhaps a friendship that, over time, morphs into a loving partnership. Some people want the electrifying sexual connections, while others find it much more important that they share common lifestyle bonds like home-décor taste and political affiliation. Some want a quick fling. Some want a lifelong monogamous union. Some want a business partnership disguised as a marriage. Some people want it easy. Some people want it hard. Some people want the drama, some the calm. These preferences can be traced to our own psychological histories, modeled upon our parents' relationship or our own past successes and less-than-successes. And these preferences change over time.

But while simplified astrology may not be of use in helping us find the perfect Sun-sign individuals for dating and mating, real in-depth astrology can indeed assist us in understanding our patterns and changing preferences. There are certain indicators within a birthchart that show the type of energy we project to others (Mars; rising sign), the type we attract to ourselves (Venus; Moon), the way that we fall in love (5th house), have sex (8th house) and establish enduring partnerships (7th house).

I'll be back next week with more on this. In the meantime, a little self-reflection on our own relationship preferences, histories, lessons and current status is a perfect way to commemorate Friday's morning Full Moon in Aries (complete with Mars and Venus making a very positive flowing trine). After all, relationships are most successful when we are conscious of why we are in them, what they have to offer us and, in exchange, what we offer them. Some forethought on such issues goes a long way in helping us actualize the type of connections we want in our lives. Meanwhile, we all know where a couple drinks and some blind lust are likely to lead us—not necessarily the worst place, I suppose, but there's always something more to reach for…