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Horoscopes | Week of May 24-30, 2010

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Aries, this emancipatory firestorm hits your home sign, a clear sign that you are finally reaching that 'point of no return' where you just can't hold back your fervent drive to do it your own damned way… and to hell with playing by the official rules any longer. This now-unstoppable surge of pioneering initiative to create an entirely new game, with plenty of room to stretch your muscles and explore your curiosities and test out your potential on a real-life playing field, ought to be fed with a 'why the fuck not?' audacity. (The cussing helps with that.) Over these coming weeks, you'll continually contend with choices between (1) bowing down before institutional obstacles, stubborn critics and/or lukewarm collaborators and (2) going around, over or through them, refusing to allow others to inhibit what you know to be the right approach forward. It may at last be time to embrace the latter option. Just don't underestimate your strength—and inadvertently throw out babies with bathwater, creating more collateral damage (especially interpersonally) than is necessary, in the noble act of defying authority and convention.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Taurus, this emancipatory firestorm hits your mistily mystical 12th house, the hardest location from which to discern the specifics of how exactly these astounding changes will impact your life—other than knowing, in an esoteric spiritual context, you are just now starting to evolve your relationship to all of creation and existence. 'Oh, is that all?' you might sarcastically snip, as if such a description provides any clear direction on what to 'do' about it. Let's put it this way: The 12th has been called 'the house of self-undoing', which can sound pretty darn menacing if you're hell-bent on presuming to already understand precisely who you are (no stones left unturned? really?) and thus hesitant to open yourself to the unpredictable, uncontrollable destiny of celestial wisdom. We only fear 'undoing' ourselves if we insist that all we see is all we are, if we cling with too attachment to the ego's self-sustaining stories. From another angle, however, such 'undoing' has its appeal: There is always a seductive undertow, impossible to rationally grasp but surely detectable on the instinct level, pulling us away from what might ground or reassure us… and toward inexplicable, otherworldly, escapist, even crazy-seeming activities, indulgences and psychic adventures that reveal glimpses of The Great What Else. We gravitate there so we may embody this radical loss of control and, in the act of surrender, learn more about being. 'Still doesn't make sense,' I hear you muttering. I admit this is all a scary proposition for a stubbornly earthy Taurus. Please try to remember this illogical reasoning, though, the next time you're mysteriously moved to retreat into wacky fogs, blissful isolations or transcendent visions. There are reasons why; you'll only discover them in retrospect.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Gemini, this emancipatory firestorm hits your 11th house, the chart-territory associated with your community of friends, teammates, like-minded individuals, and any other folks you consider 'your peeps'. So the obvious first-question begging to be asked: Do you feel properly seen and respected, admired and adored, by the people you surround yourself with? If the answer is a contented 'yes', then I suggest using this radical energy to inject a new excitement into the group. Take charge of some exhilarating innovation that'll breathe some fresh air in, before anybody starts taking each other for granted and slipping into stale modes of relating. Initiate a new special-interest subcommittee. Organize a major event, outing or soiree. Surprise certain individuals by bestowing different roles onto them, allowing them to flaunt underdeveloped parts of themselves. Need I spell out what to do if your answer was an irritating 'no'? Cut ties, and explore new social avenues. In fact, even if you're relatively happy with your present affiliations, it still wouldn't hurt to add another group-activity to your schedule. After all, social experimentation is a Gemini's life-blood (not to mention, it presents further outside input, to help get your mind off recent challenges). One caveat: Please be sure you don't want to 'cut ties' with the confidantes who know you best, just because you're trying to escape your true self.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Cancer, this emancipatory firestorm hits your public world stage, the 10th house, the realm of outward achievements, professional aspirations and earned community reputation. Yes, you are reading that correctly: Potent gusts of change are just now beginning to blow into your career zone, which means you'd better hold onto your hat and release your grip on 'the way things have always been'. Of course, these winds are approaching your shores whether or not you want them to… and it's on you to either (1) decide what zany gamble or hairpin turn you're thirsting to take, and get going, or (2) resist the pressure to evolve and hunker down until the position you've managed to maintain this same way, perhaps for too long now, is huffed and puffed and blown down. I wish I could curb my rhetorical theatrics, but then I might give you the wrong idea that this somehow isn't as big as I've made it sound. (It is.) In case what I've just laid out doesn't seem awe-inspiring enough, let me add this: You may well have reached the point where, to find true professional satisfaction, you can't wait around for someone to hand you the responsibility you've been dreaming of. You might need to create it from scratch, framing an impressive role for yourself that has never existed before, so there's sufficient breadth of opportunity to feed your spirit for many years to come. As I've said repeatedly over these recent months, beware of intimidating characters who dissuade you from going for it; such deflating relationship influence is toxic. And remember: Your home must really serve as your sanctuary, since the world outside will be exhilarating but exhausting, dynamic but destabilizing, a veritable playground but with no reliable ground rules to play by. Have fun!

LEO (July 23-August 22): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Leo, this emancipatory firestorm hits your 9th house, where we welcome enriching experiences from far outside our usual frame of reference, in order to come continually closer to embracing what we determine to be the most meaningful understandings undergirding our life. But if all that verbiage sounds too damn serious, please don't mistake this for a dreary educational assignment. This influence, if properly met with enthusiasm, should enliven your senses and infuse you with a wholesome sense of wonder… inspiring you to dive into eye-opening areas of study, to ship off to faraway lands or bask in the beauty and wisdom of foreign cultures, to rededicate yourself to those universal values you hold most dear, and to generally chew on 'life's big questions' until everything settles into moral perspective. Basically, that all amounts to getting outside the mundane day-to-day, in order to afford yourself a broader view—something you may be desperately ready for, now that Mars has finally left his friggin' retrograde-shadow and is treading his first new steps since last October. Can't you detect the powerful draw of an entirely 'out there' experience, to reward yourself for sticking through these last many months? Follow it, brave lion… but please don't leave certain people hanging, and the communications you owe them uncommunicated.

VIRGO (August 23-September 22): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Virgo, this emancipatory firestorm hits your interpersonally-complicating 8th house, a planetary statement on the timeliness of taking scary risks with how far 'in bed' with certain other individuals (sexually? financially? psychologically?) you're willing to go. Virgos typically prefer clean borders and independent responsibilities to a confusing mass of mutually merged mess… a tendency that both (1) keeps you in careful charge over who does what with which thing and (2) limits your impetus to stretch relationally, by eliminating awkward negotiations that come from radically sharing vast zones of life with other individuals, up close and personal. But guess what? It's time to throw what you've got into the shared pot, and risk losing something in order to gain something else (and learn more about your concealed motivations in the process). This moment in history calls for nothing less than a willingness to get dirty, in the act of working together (undeniably a pain in the ass sometimes) in intimate surroundings with folks who, as much as you may care for them, vary from you in more ways than you can merely theorize about. When in doubt, then, get deeper into it. At the end of the day, the whole thing could well blow up in your face—or not. If you don't go all the way, on the other hand, you're only making a half-assed effort at living life to its fullest.

LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Libra, this emancipatory firestorm hits your relationship zone (the solar 7th), an invitation to seek greater freedom and self-fulfillment in your closest one-on-one couplings—one invite which cannot be refused. Being considerate to others (or at least keenly aware of where they might be coming from, whether or not you 'consider' it when making decisions) is like second-nature to a Libran. But too much of a good thing, in this context, merely encourages you to quietly (or passive-aggressively) harbor resentment for not getting your wants 'considered' as sufficiently as you'd hoped. It's now time to double-down on your relationship wager, either in existing partnerships or in your approach to seeking and establishing new ones. Be uncompromisingly direct (perhaps more than ever before) in stating your non-negotiable needs and deal-breaking no-nos… and either (1) succeed at interpersonal satisfaction beyond your wildest expectations or (2) kiss your sort-of-stable, sort-of-stunted 'settling' situation goodbye, clearing the way for a bigger-and-better opportunity. A closing reminder from Saturn: In being direct, choose your battles wisely, and concentrate only on really important issues.

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Scorpio, this emancipatory firestorm hits you in the realm of earthly duty and routine (otherwise known as the 6th house)… a place where your soul is craving a new way of organizing your everyday activities, in order to be more productive (with less pointless time-wasting and red-tape bullshit), healthier (by breaking deleterious habits cold-turkey and finding more active ways to release the nervous tension) and, therefore, happier. Is it time to change shifts? switch to part-time or contract-basis? transfer locations or start working from home? Whatever will renew your relation to workday responsibility, fight for it. Should you wake up earlier? go to bed earlier? eat five small meals instead two big ones? cut out dairy or gluten? halt that wretched smoking practice? Your body's already telling you what it needs. Under this astro-weather, it's far better to proactively alter your physical health regimen now—rather than, say, waiting for illness or injury to force you into it. None of this need feel burdensome, by the way, if you can conceive of these work-ethic rearrangements and bodily reorientations as preventive measures, which actually save you a lot of squandered time and effort… and ultimately, in an odd way, buy you a more sizable chunk of personal freedom. Knowing you're on top of what's essential and restorative for your best performance every day is also, incidentally, the best remedy for any overshadowing existential angst. Counteract worry with effectiveness and exercise.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Sagittarius, this emancipatory firestorm hits your house of creativity and play, art and love (the solar 5th)… and damn, how very very ready for something purely (or mostly) pleasurable to arrive, after all the work the planets have been cramming down your throat. It's the 5th house where we get in touch with our inner child, that li'l rascal who wants nothing more than the freedom to appreciate whatever bright color or loud sound, silly game or exquisite sandcastle is momentarily providing the most razzle-dazzle. It's our motivation to sculpt portrait busts from clay, join belly-dancing classes after work, flirt shamelessly with the boy at the coffee bar, splatter paint decoratively across the sides of buildings, or otherwise express our unique outrageousness for no explicit purpose other than 'just because!' Sound like fun? It ought to. So please don't give me one squirrelly breath of 'I don't have the time' or 'I haven't a clue what to do'. (I find it hard to imagine any of you eager-beaver Sagies lacking enthusiasm or curiosity for a new playful pastime or artistic activity.) Under this astro-effect, it's also a prime time to take romantic risks… say, asking out your long-held crush or going for that irresistible type you always imagined was out of your league. And the 5th also being the house of literal children, you might find yourself more eager than ever to have one of your own, to adopt or foster or even just babysit. However this plays out for you, the most important thing is to enjoy yourself—even if it scares away a few of your stodgier compadres.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Capricorn, this emancipatory firestorm hits the personal sanctuary of your solar 4th, the house ruling over your private domestic sphere, as well as your family relations and the ancestral roots from which you blossomed. So right off the bat, you should be considering whether you are happy where you live… and if you aren't, start making plans for the move across town and/or to a different locale altogether, to a dwelling better suited to your personal quirks, away from unpleasant flatmates or overbearing parents. If a move's not presently on your radar (though that doesn't necessarily mean it's out of the question), perhaps it's a major remodeling project you really ought to get underway. But if you foresee no major alterations to your current living situation, I strongly suggest figuring out how you'd like to expel this earth-rumbling energy… in order to head off the potential it will create domestic instability not of your choosing. Maybe it's on the family front, where we sometimes need to make a literal residence move to get the much-needed space... or else search for alternative methods for pushing 'em out to a firm but loving distance, so you can better determine what will bring you the peace required for personal recharging, without allowing familial undercurrents of guilt and manipulation to restrain you from taking good care of yourself. In one 4th-house theme or another, something's got to give. All the while, please maintain consistency in what you're doing careerwise. Household changes are no excuse for professional slack.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Aquarius, this emancipatory firestorm hits your 3rd house, the locus of our day-to-day communicative techniques and expressions, and how we use them to navigate the many small social encounters in our immediate environment. Therefore, the first thought that pops into my head is all about encouraging you to share more of those first-thoughts that pop into your head… going perhaps a bit further, with less self-consciousness and more spontaneous self-disclosure, in all conversations great and small you find yourself in. Aquarians have a (well-earned?) reputation as know-it-alls, which comes from your desire to convey your wide-ranging intelligence in ways that, well, ensure you're coming off intelligently—a self-protective measure that impedes you from talking about things you aren't fully educated on or confident about, dare you appear thoughtless or unconsidered in your outward offerings. Couple that with a fair-minded appreciation for 'the diversity of human experience' (a concept that, strangely, can actually curb your drive to discuss too much about your personal experience so as not to seem too self-important), and you have a recipe for limiting your ability to unexpectedly and advantageously connect with casual pals or acquaintances. If you can stop believing you must 'figure stuff out on your own' before discussing it, and start using increased social interactivity as a breeding-ground for new ideas and modes of communicating, you'll surprise yourself with (1) all the people you meet and/or get to know better and (2) how your exchanges with them help spread your ideas like wildfire, evolving your mindset in the process and allowing those around you to help you achieve your desired successes.

PISCES (February 19-March 20): Holy guacamole, Batman! On Thursday (May 27), Uranus the Great Liberator (a.k.a. the Revolutionary Up-Ender, Chaos-Creator and Shit-Disturber) is moving across the starting/finishing line from Pisces to Aries, his first sign-change since 2003. And as if that weren't enough, big-boy Jupiter joins this hit-parade and also shifts into Aries a week later (Sun Jun 6). This is a flashing-neon-light telegram from the celestial message-center that a specific area of your life is currently due for massive reinvention, on behalf of your radical individuality in that area. For you, Pisces, this emancipatory firestorm hits your 'show me the money' zone (the solar 2nd), following on the heels of Uranus's past seven years and Jupiter's past several months in your sign, where a lot of growth and change has already occurred… and presumably shaken you loose from any shackles that may've restricted your self-possessed movement. Yet, oftentimes, after we've removed ourselves from such overbearing bonds and exhaled a few deep sighs of relief, there still remains the work of building the latest version of our life, from the ash-covered ground up. Think of it as repotting the plant you rescued from a decaying garden: In the tender transition, it requires regular tending to its material needs, and a safe stable grounding in which to drop its roots. Such a 'rescue'—of the authentic 'you', from circumstances that impaired its expression—may well demand a large expenditure of precious resources, which your Piscean soul might be hesitant to spend on something as 'self-indulgent' (or, without imposing the judgment: self-supportive) as your own sense of security. This is, however, the best thing to pour your financial initiatives into. Of course, these being incredible uncertain times, you might have to invent imaginative DIY methods for raking in the necessary dough… and you'll likely need to keep at it, on a diligent daily basis. Can you, therefore, limit what you're spending (in cash and personal energy) on complicating interpersonal dramas?