Venus Retrograde: Does This Relationship Serve Me?


How comfortably can our existing relationships contain our recently surging need to serve our own desires first?

This question cannot be answered through quiet contemplation. We often encounter desire in an instant, not having previously known this was what we wanted until presented with it. Even if we already do secretly possess awareness of a certain inner hunger, we can't reliably know how our other half will respond to our expressing and/or going after it.

How well we're able to pleasurably chase an impulse, without feeling boxed in or put upon by those we share our life with (or by our ideas about them), is necessarily an experiential lesson. We don't know until we test it out…until we courageously pursue that which, in a single split-second, suddenly sparks our 'feels so right!' instincts, not being too sure exactly where such an action will carry us but rather excited to discover what'll happen next.

In case you haven't noticed, we are presently in the midst of just such a lesson:

Will you comply with your intuitive impulses, ready to clutch any opportunity before giving it the chance to pass you by... though such acts may fundamentally impact an important relationship, when you aren't able or willing to defend your behavior ('it just feels so right!') and/or the other person isn't able or willing to understand it? (And will you later regret your hastiness?)

Or will you resist these self-centered yearnings ('…for what in the world could be worse than being seen as self-centered?') out of respect for somebody else, sacrificing what might prove to be a passing fancy (or, then again, might not) to preserve things just as they are? (And will you grow to resent this person, as you're left to wonder, into perpetuity, what might've been?)

Since Feb 2, Venus has resided in Aries, a sign where her innate skills of compromise and congeniality are unconsciously flavored with a 'me first' crudeness. Venus's basic principle is to unite us with the people and things we feel most affinity with…often bringing us, as a result, the experience of love and/or wealth, two of Venus's most desired gifts. Aries, however, is a trailblazing individualist, flying by the seat of his pants much of the time. Trying something new, as far as Aries is concerned, is more appealing than continuing to do the same old thing another forty-seven identical times in a row. Yet, obviously, it becomes harder to 'unite' without sufficient consistency or coordination.

See the rub? Venus is out of sorts in Aries.

As of this coming Friday (Mar 6), Venus will now be retrograde, too, for the next six weeks, exacerbating the tensions she already faces while in the sign of the lone warrior. And a retrograde Venus is a trickster Venus, I should warn you. She confuses our usually clear affinities with surprising desires for other types of people and things—but are they really as wonderful as they appear? She shows us the other side to the people and things we typically prefer, leaving us to question those original preferences. She sometimes even drops old flames from the past back into our consciousness, to remind us how far we've come, to present that wished-for occasion to make that wholly different decision, or to finally close the book, once and for all.

During a Venus-retrograde period, of course, it's very difficult to discern real long-lasting value from fleeting or limited appeal, especially in assessing a particular person's worth to you personally. But during this retrograde period, we don't need to know whether this is all it's cracked up to be on a longer-term basis—just as long as we aren't putting all our eggs into this one basket or unduly committing ourselves.

Each of us is learning, through trial by fire, more about our own overarching sense of how and where we find personal value. For now, we must practice fully enjoying what every fresh moment has to offer, with a brave hand ready to move whenever inspiration strikes…and without attachment to any specific faces, features or trappings, as the scene could just as quickly change once again in the next fresh moment. (Easier said than done, alas, since there will be unanticipated fallout when one person's in-the-moment thrusts collide with another's.)

The Aries influence over Venus only further emphasizes the necessity to throw ourselves into each present Now, by setting up countless circumstances in which the best goodies are only available when we act quickly, on good faith either we'll get what we want or, if we don't, we'll be just fine picking ourselves up and continuing to move. Aries doesn't waste a lot of energy on forethought. To hear Aries tell it, we can always take another step in a different direction. If things don't work out in one arena, we'll simply do something else. From this perspective, it's much harder to interpret any action as a 'mistake'—the only real mistake would be a refusal to act, in fear of the unknown.

As I said, one of the main issues affected by Venus's retrograde through Aries will be our relationship sector. We may find our eyes wandering to new and exciting attractions, which maybe signal our old and safe commitment is at the end of its lifespan—or, instead, indicate it's time to appreciatively reconnect with our tried-and-true. We might fall madly in love at first sight. Is this glorious person really 'The One', or are we merely restoring our general faith in romance with a short-but-meaningful fling? No need to answer today. 'Relationship issues', by the way, don't only apply in the love zone. Similar situations could unfold with friends, co-workers or housemates. 'Final' resolution (as if anything's really final) mustn't be expect before May.

One key principle: We mustn't fear pissing somebody else off, in order to take a confident stand for our own self-actualization.

Yes, it's okay to choose yourself. Why wouldn't it be? You are ultimately all you've got, absolutely 100% for sure, for your entire life. You've, therefore, got to keep you happy.