Professional Identity Crisis


How could I be better serving you through my blog writings? This website? My human existence?

Transiting Uranus is currently on my Midheaven, y'all, which means everything's up for grabs in my public life. Uranus is synonymous with sudden chaos, and the Midheaven (or 10th-house cusp) represents what we accomplish out on the world stage, careerwise and/or in our communities.

Pardon any scattered energy you're picking up off of me… though I suspect my inner experience of it is far more blatant than what you, my dear readers, can see. And pardon me while I humbly (and in a slight panic) throw my open palms to the sky and ask: What the fuck?

I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to be doing out here on this big blue marble called Earth right now… how specifically my worldly actions are functioning to carry out my 'calling'. There's so much going on, I can hardly complain of feeling stuck. ('Ultra-dynamic' would be a more fitting descriptor.) But I'm barely juggling all the responsibilities—and it makes me a bit panicky about whether I'm living up to my duties to you all, since that's what goes on inside the head of someone like me, who harbors a residual psychology of not being okay unless I'm earning straight-As, gold stars and highest honors.

Tell me I'm okay, will ya? (That's rhetorical, folks.)

Did you know that only about 10% of all the visitors to my site actually read these cover-page blog articles? The rest just pop by to grab their horoscopes, then ditch out before gazing at my other brilliances.

I know I'm not the most concise creation ever to fill your computer screen with far too may extra words… but I sit down to write something, and it seems to take that long to fully and poetically complete an idea. Maybe I'm too ambitious? Maybe I feel the weight of the cosmos on my shoulder, convincing me I must give the full story behind each major astro-event that comes our way—and when it becomes too great a burden to fulfill, I just don't write anything at all because I can't believe I could squeeze one more 'insightful' observation out of these worn-down fingertips?

I apparently haven't yet mastered the fine art of blog-writing, which entails composing shorter chunks of more instantly gripping content (rather than waxing, all 'creative' like, through wordy opening and closing clauses). And until my literary empire grows by the leaps and bounds necessary to hire me an editor, I guess I need to keep on experimenting with new styles.

More than that, though, I must not veer away from my writing itself—the heart and soul of what I do in this world—now that I have so many more professional responsibilities of different persuasions. I love writing, and I want to see myself as a writer before anything else. (Yes, before 'astrologer', too.)

I've sworn to make 2008 a year in which I devote more energy to my creative writing… which, of course, also should include my astrological writing as a subset. Yet, the deadlines and the perceived expectations on me from those who read my work sometimes saps the 'creative' feeling right out of me. It turns writing into a chore, and then the rebel in me doesn't want to obey.

How can I avoid that? By embracing this transiting Uranus atop my Midheaven… and proudly declaring that everything is up for grabs.

I'd like to use this space on my website to tell you more about me as a person, not just as your 'sage' astrologer. I want to challenge my own writing rules… sometimes leaving you with cryptic fragments or off-topic explorations, rather than the 'whole story' of which planet is in what sign. Dare I feel guilty for 'taking something away'? No. I still want to write about astrology, too. But I want to be excited about these writings, the same way I still love to compose your weekly horoscopes.

I don't have the answers this time around… just the questions that are swarming around my head, causing me worry and inspiration at once. That can only mean new stuff is in the process of being born.