Perhaps you weren't sure why you weren't sure, only that you weren't.
You harbored vague suspicions something wasn't quite right. Triggered by phantom attractions to captivating new creatures, or recurrences of loves from days gone by. A surprising inability to trust that ordinarily-foolproof 'inner voice': Was she speaking from truth, or fear? wishfulness, or brute reality? the present, or the past?
So you questioned. That's what we do when we're unsure. We pose various hypothetical scenarios to ourselves, in private contemplation or to trusted friends (and therapists). What would we do if this happened if that changed if we tried a little bit more of this, and a whole lot less of that? But still, clear answers can be hard to come by.
You might have considered calling the whole thing off, in an attempt to alleviate the tension of being so split-minded. Maybe you actually did call it quits, replacing what didn't appear to be working with 'the next big thing' (only to be quietly labeled a 'relationship hopper') or, even more scarily, with that vast mat of detaching solitude otherwise known as loneliness (it may lack a marketable gimmick, but it serves its purposes, too).
Or did you realize the near-sighted error of your itchy thinking (more a problem of your own resistance to hanging in or pushing harder than anything wrong with the other person, it seems) and recommit to putting your whole self into the coupling? You get what you give, as they say and it all could've been more an instance of not giving enough, rather than a legitimate litany of everything you weren't getting.
But something changed, didn't it? It may not have spawned huge ripples of externally shifting events, merely inner evolution. Then again, maybe it didthe newly romantic gestures or their sudden absence, the phone calls antsily anticipated or just no longer returned, doors opened wide or slammed shut, locks changed.
The journey, however frivolously roundabout or chaotically disorienting it may've been, led you on a path through options. 'See,' you reminded yourself, 'it doesn't have to be this way. It's my choice to participate in this manner, or that, or none at all. I am free to follow my heart after all.'
Who did you love and who do you love now? How exactly do you love?
You knew these answers before, of course. They are as intrinsic to your being as the recognition of when to eat or sleep. You simply needed a reminder, one which can only come from a flip of perspectives. We've got to get outside ourselves to get back in.
And now you're back, where it always starts fromyour heart's desire. 'Welcome home!' it exclaims, embracing you with its warm tingles. So profoundly obvious, it needs no rational explanation.
Venus began her retrograde on Jul 27, and returned to direct motion last Saturday (Sep 8).