Horoscopes | Week of November 12-18, 2007

ARIES (March 21-April 19): There is no gold medal or stunning cash award awaiting presentation to you, Aries, if you were to dash off at record foot-speed toward some imagined finish line in the distance… leaving everything here (the whirlpool of unexpected emotions, the moods without clear causes, the residual aftereffects of disclosures made and/or listened to) behind in a cloud of your hasty locomotion. Racing away, in this context, will not win you any prizes. On the contrary, you might momentarily experience the cheap high of freedom—only to discover later that it has a dark side, which is the inescapable loneliness that goes along with picking up and removing yourself from every tight spot, without a pause to interpersonal considerations. Whatever the specifics of your current situation, I'm almost 100% certain that you shouldn't bear the brunt of it by yourself. It's not that your honey or a close pal will have some magical incantation of 'wise words' that, once recited in the right tone (with the appropriately mystical incense scent stirring the nearby air), all your problems will vanish into thin air. (In fact, you should make it a point to let the person you reach out to know: You're not seeking such verbal salvation.) But the companionship itself offers more than you might currently imagine, if instead you're tightening your shoelaces and stretching your calves, in preparation to zoom off into the alienating expanse of somewhere else. This situation you're in isn't about finding a destination … only the process of having feelings to face, but deciding to do so in plain sight, with a pal along, and no clue of what happens after that.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In this highly atypical Taurean horoscope, I'm left to warn you about the pitfalls of trying to sit still… especially with those bursts of mischievous energy driving you to hunt down ways to waste time however you can. (And usually remaining immobile and/or inert isn't such a problem for you!) But I will not use my hot air in feeble requests for you to 'behave', or to beseech you to ignore all the appealing truancy opportunities at your disposal, as if you can pretend everything's normal and you're simply dying to park yourself behind a desk for eight or more hours. Mischief has its rightful place, like anything else… and you should be able to find room in your week to invite it to roost, so long as you don't do any real damage in the process. Surely you can come up with harmless ways to goof off a bit, without completely eschewing every single to-do on your list. If instead you attempt to crush the roguish impulses because you don't have time (what? to enjoy your life?) and merely carry on with the restless expanse of 'more of the same', that's when the more outright naughtiness will build up to an unstoppable pressure… and you'll simply erupt with potentially catastrophic devilry. The healthiest expression of the week's urge, Taurus, is through balance—a chip or two of work off the old block, a bit of innocent tomfoolery to keep things interesting. In the long run, you'll feel much better if you get something done this week—and if you also get to slack off on something else.


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The rock plops into the deep water, as the expected ripples reverberate outward… and we all know how the extra waves made will affect any number of organisms, some too small to glimpse with the naked eye, in any number of unforeseen ways. This is always the case, Gemini, in your life and everybody else's—the interconnectedness of one seemingly small and inconsequential action with all others, taken already or still yet to take, in one seamless portrait of existence. Philosophical waxing made practical now, please recall this truth when making any and all decisions with your money this week, as spontaneous quests for good times might turn you way too loose with your paycheck… and then after one too many late-night rounds ('for everyone! it's on me!') or another unnecessarily fabulous handbag, you're suddenly struggling to scrape up those few last pennies that comprise your rent. Each little expense, in itself, is barely enough to matter. But oh, those aqueous ripples, snowballing like modern society's irresponsible interest rates (anyone heard of usury?)… and before long, far too many areas of your life have become affected (or is it infected?) by careless financial larks. Help yourself out, and set some dough aside before going wild. The ripple effect on that act will be one you thank yourself for when the first of the month rolls around again.


CANCER (June 21-July 22): This is not a test. This is not an earthquake either. The shifting of the ground beneath your feet is merely Mars, standing still then turning around and retracing his recent steps in the start of a retrograde in your sign that continues through the end of Jan 08. If your knees are bending in a sudden surprise weakness, grab hold of the nearest railing or piece of furniture, and ease yourself into a seated position. You'll need a few moments to regroup, or you might find yourself squandering valuable time and resources on extra steps or unnecessary detours, so eager to continue the trek that you cease to notice that it's time for filling the tank and emptying the bladder. There are far too many more miles to go—and there's far too much going on in your life, Cancer, whether in actual unfolding or in the preliminary internal stages—for you to instinctively know which way is 'forward'. And with the extra Martian momentum beating from your heart into every last artery and limb in your body, your usual emotional sensors (which tell you, from Cancerian wisdom, what's the right thing to do) are temporarily maxed out. You'll need to slow down and rest a spell here, in order to accurately decide what's the most important thing(s) to focus on right now. You can't do it all at once, if you want to do anything properly. So for just a second or two, do nothing at all. Let the overcharged pulsings settle. Regain connection to the earth. Take a lap. Drink some water. For the next several weeks, you're running in an alternate time-space matrix where deeply magical resortings and rearrangings can transpire… but not without a clear head.


LEO (July 23-August 22): You thought you were finally getting to the juicy part, where kinks are worked out and signatures inked on important blank lines, with all parties bidding each other 'good luck' with a firm handshake and a courteous corporate gift… but slippery Mars, with his 2½-month retrograde beginning this week, has other plans. Thus, the official headline shall read: 'Talks stalled—everyone headed back to drawing board.' And as a result, the unfinished business, so damned close to completion, isn't quite ready to be resolved this week. But rather than serving as an excuse to break a bottle against the wall or fire the underling staff, this needn't be cause for overly theatrical lamentations. Why get bent out of shape? The next couple months have other resolutions, reaffirmations or revisions in store for you, Leo… and in a way that will ultimately improve the quality of everything you're doing. While negotiations might become cloudy or disappear behind bad lighting, your own clear thinking (in whatever area(s) you've already achieved such clarity) isn't going away. The loose ends must be left to dangle, instead of trying to put those million-and-one scattered pieces into some clear order. Any stress that would develop as a result of trying to get the clown back into the box? Release it, for goodness sake. Hang up the 'be back soon' sign, and take a leisurely lunch. You'll have the time to order a second martini… and while you're waiting for the final check to arrive, plenty else will transpire, in between the lines of 'official business' but with as much ultimate relevance as any other preordained item of interest.


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): Want to know a surefire method for feeling great about yourself, Virgo? It's easy enough to follow, if in fact you genuinely care about how the important people in your life are navigating their latest bumps and curves. All you've got to do is go out of your way to lend support to at least one good friend who could use the extra thoughts and prayers right about now. Though your own situation isn't exactly 'sorted out' (is it ever, really?), you're actually in an excellent position to put somebody else's confused circumstances into a clearer perspective for her (or him). Simply put, you're able to see what she cannot. Just a few choice explanatory observations, stripped of any accompanying remarks that might be construed as judgmental or disapproving, are all she'll need to get outside her panicky first-person prison and relate to what she faces from a calmer corner. And once she starts to perk up as a direct result of what you've offered, you'll be left all warm and fuzzy inside… and so glad you stepped toward somebody else in an act of connection. Beyond these obvious rewards, though, lurks another realization: that you, too, aren't alone in whatever puzzling questions or anxiety-provoking crossroads you find yourself confronting. If you could help another person so easily and pleasantly, simply by calmly discussing her life-situations with her, just imagine how that favor might be returned to you—and save you from the sensation that you're up against everything all by yourself.


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): With Mars turning retrograde this week, people everywhere are likelier than usual to abruptly change gears… to suddenly withdraw their active attention from that which they've been so into up until now, to redirect it elsewhere, and to look around in astonishment at everybody else who's doing the same thing because, of course, in others it appears much stranger. But as I told you last week, Libra, you've got Venus on your side to keep you looking lovely and easy-going, no matter what else the other planets have going on. Use her to your advantage in the workplace this week, where you'll want to refrain from making any dramatic moves or pushy requests that might startle your boss or co-workers—and inadvertently set off red flags, which will probably be met with more resistance (or at least a more unpredictable reply) than under ordinary circumstances. In the public and/or professional realm, you'll want to do everything possible to keep the flow light and fluffy. Succeed at that, and you'll easily cruise through without incident. (And as I said, enough other people will be acting weird—and without Venus to save them—that it should be a snap to avoid detection.) But dare you try to pull a fast one on anybody, aping for a better position while acting as if nothing's happening, and it's probably going to explode in your face. This just isn't the week for it. Instead, exchange niceties and write catch-up notes to old pals… anything that couldn't possibly be misinterpreted as manipulative.


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): To hear the folks who don't play life with the same full-body contact seriousness you do tell it, your reputed ability to strike lust in your admirers' loins and fear in your potential adversaries' hearts is second to none. But please, Scorpio, tell me that none of your unforgettably pungent behaviors occur by sheer accident? That there is some titillating-and-obtuse logic underscoring any moment's choice to either let it roll off or to strike fast and hard, before they've had a chance to put a guard up? I don't actually need to know, incidentally, what such a 'logic' might entail… only that it exists, and that you're following it to the letter, rather than letting a funny emotional reaction take hold of you and jerk you around, as if you're not in control of your own faculties. This week, it's important that you stay as close to a guiding philosophical law as possible, so that, in any given situation, there's already a 'right' and 'wrong' thing to do (as defined, of course, by you and only you)—and you know why you should do this or that, in advance of actually doing it. Lots of people around you are going to be acting way too sensitive. And though that's not necessarily a big problem for you, it'll be a lot neater and cleaner if you're prepared for their weird responses to you. Therefore, if you just keep doin' your thing according to your predefined rules, instead of taking on their baggage and ending up in a convoluted mess of not-previously-thought-out nonsense, you're likelier to sidestep their crankiness—and not gett blamed for it.


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): We've covered this ground before: how you love to push buttons, say whatever the hell you feel like saying (at whatever volume is most comfortable for you), and generally refuse to compromise or apologize if you know it wouldn't be sincere. But your special knack for making certain people uncomfortable is currently at a remarkable high, even for you… which is great news for the rabble-rouser in you who cannot wait to get a rise out of folks you feel are too uptight, misguided or otherwise deserving of your flummoxing treatment. However, this same knack will work decidedly against you, if you find yourself in any situation where making a good impression will matter. In other words, you probably shouldn't apply a devil-may-care attitude indiscriminately across the board, since there are some people's opinions you do care about—although it would be sad for you to only notice that's so once you've made your big splash and can't easily reverse your steps, should you decide it would've been wiser not to splash that particular person so wildly. Bottom line: Use your antics wisely. Whatever you do end up doing, whatever it is, please make sure it's on purpose. The more room for unpleasant accidents, the more difficult it'll be to control the way they'll perceive you, now… and conceivably forever.


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): We at astrobarry.com (okay, it's only a 'me' not a 'we', but please play along) believe in gender equality… and as such, we are happy to reconceptualize the old cliché so that it reads, 'It's a person's prerogative to change his or her mind.' Following on the heels of that, it's also our pleasure to remind you, dear Capricorn, of this ever-present prerogative and its special relevance to you at this current moment. Thanks to Mars somersaulting to retrograde motion in your solar 7th, now is definitely prime time to rethink anything in life that's starting to feel stale—especially if it involves an obligation to another person, with whom you're expected to work agreeably or split responsibility or share your life. That's not to say you're in a bad spot or need immediate rescue from a character with malevolent intentions toward you. It's not necessarily about this other person at all… but instead about what you want to be doing, and whether the individual(s) you've currently trying to do it with is the right one to get you to a successful, satisfying level. So whether we're talking boy-or-girlfriends, employers or employees, friends, roommates, hairdressers, nannies, car repair specialists or the like… anybody you associate with who isn't cutting your mustard is up for grabs. (Must I warn you? Don't freak out and dump everyone. This is, first and foremost, an exercise in self-reflection.) And if all that makes you a little (or more than little) schizophrenic, then so be it. It's also called 'embracing the possibilities'.


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Be kind and considerate to your body… even if you'll have to ignore your overly dominant brain, which keeps telling you to push along no matter what, in obvious disobedience to the messages your physical self is trying to deliver. Too many commitments and not enough rest are the perfect recipe for a pesky cold. Mars is flipping his switch to retrograde motion this week in your solar 6th, the region where our day-to-day expenditures of energy (toward certain duties and habits, or away from them) add up to sparkling health or a glaring lack of wellness, in a direct reflection of what we've put in. And with this event, it becomes extraordinarily important to listen to subtle changes in your rhythms. What was working for you last week and the week before, Aquarius, may cease to work now… and what may've seemed like an unbelievable waste of time could now prove to be essential to your most proper functioning. But because these formulas are intuitive and inexact, you might not know what constitutes 'overdoing' or 'underemphasizing' until after imbalance is already reached. Therefore, you must be ready to react at a moment's notice if suddenly you need to eat, sleep, stretch or take a half-day off. Don't be harsh with yourself, if you feel somewhat out of sorts and instinctively want to label that sensation as a pesky inconvenience. You are nothing without first being human flesh, with its quirks and limitations. Start there. Everything else, this week at least, is totally secondary.


PISCES (February 19-March 20): On, or off? Like, or like like? Friends, or more? Is it, or isn't it? Something is suspended up in the air, in some perplexing-but-exciting no-man's-land, waiting for a different ball to drop with more information or commitment. Until then, though, you might as well enjoy yourself. In the likeliest scenario, this perhaps-ness is transpiring in your romantic life, leaving you to wonder whether it's on the way back up or finally on the skids for real… whether he/she is getting ready to give it up, or in the process of changing their mind, due to extenuating circumstances that are beyond anything you can fix… or whether the flirtation that's so totally obvious to you is, in fact, purely one-sided in realty. If it's not a romantic thing, alas, then it's probably some other situation in which you could (1) be on the verge of accomplishing some creative victory or (2) stuck in a back-and-forth drama with someone else who's either holding you back or holding an essential piece to the big picture that you'll need to seduce out of 'em. Whatever the case, don't fret if it seems to be a different story every day. There are actually lots of thrills to experience in this 'maybe' zone… and at least things aren't boring. Just be careful that you not overreact to the minor annoyance—and act out in a way that sabotages your connection with this other key person, in some half-assed attempt to smoke 'em out of the cave with jealousy or other underhanded moves. At this point, it's better to wade through the sticky mud then try to push anybody's hand to definitively act now… and rush ahead to a disappointing anti-climax.