Horoscopes | Week of April 23-29, 2007

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Nervous energy abounds in spades. 'Why's it there?' 'Where's it coming from?' 'What's it mean?' Leave those questions unattended to, for agonizing over their unanswerability will only further fray your nerves. You should just plan on feeling profoundly unsettled—perhaps even to the point of physical discomfort—knowing that no immediate rationale or strategy can reach that phantom itch. In typical Aries fashion, you might opt to just do something… whatever it is being far less important than that you're alleviating internal stress with some external motion. But beware: Your desire to escape the heebie-jeebies may become so strong, you might be tempted to riotously break the rules… only later, once the mischievous disruptions have already been wreaked, to act as if the resultant hubbub wasn't your fault. Nice try, but no dice. While you needn't be accountable for the uncontrollable inner discord behind a given outbreak, you are certainly responsible for your behavior. If you lash out with a mean-spirited jab that hits right where it hurts, you mustn't excuse yourself by explaining how bad you have been feeling. Misery needn't create more misery, just for a little company. If you're going to break the rules, in order to release the pent-up anxieties through some wild-animal impersonation, by all means do it. But at least fess up to what you're doing… and don't drag anyone down with you. Or you can find less potentially damaging ways to hold on through next week's full moon (Wed May 2), when the psychic-angst buildup will naturally begin to wane.


TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It seems everybody wants a piece. But, of course, if you gave them all the prime cuts and best tables and exclusive standings they were asking for (indirectly or blatantly), what would be left for you? It's not a bad question to entertain, Taurus, for you are sitting on a veritable goldmine, whether of actual material wealth or the solid skills-traits-and-possessions that are worth a pretty penny on the open market. And when deciding who to align yourself with (or which allegiances to discontinue), you'll want to consider how they're managing their stake in you—as give-and-take, gimme-gimme, win-win, me-first, screw-you, I-wanna-be-you or save-me. What are these people doing with what you're offering them? How are they treating you in the process? If tension's been brewing with particular friends or colleagues, it may well be time to have it out. You can't risk frittering away your own abundance-generating energies on involvements with folks who aren't also contributing their own slice of the pie. Conflict could be just what's needed to crack the unspoken dynamics wide open. (Be careful with your words, though: They're sharper-than-usual weapons.) The final results could go either way… but not without a fair share of surprising revelations you might've missed in the original analysis. Maybe they do have your interests in mind, along with their own, and you just needed to hear it. But if you've got to walk away to save yourself, so be it. In the meantime, your most promising potential for new, genuinely supportive allies may rest in the unlikeliest of places. Don't overlook the weirdos; their unique outlook could be your perfectly balanced foil.


GEMINI (May 21-June 20): To begin with, Gemini, I simply insist you reacquaint yourself with last week's tidings… because, if anything, the less-than-fully-conscious urge to mouth off at work or in another equally-important public setting is growing even stronger. Now, I don't know what the exact specifics are regarding your relation to what you do out there in the big bad world… but if something's bothered you for a while, left you feeling dissatisfied or stale or trapped, there's only so long you can hold it together before blowing your spout. And with Mars conjoining shit-disturber Uranus in your career-and-reputation 10th house, this could be the crucial moment when you just can't swallow it anymore. Lose it if you must, as there are worse weeks to do so. If you've been slyly snoozing until just the right time to abruptly submit your resignation, insist on a change in position, or otherwise present a shocking proposal, your astrological alarm clock is going off now. On the other hand, if you're recklessly shutting your eyes to 'the writing on the wall' and sneakily attempting to elude the bomb of inevitable change, you're running out of hiding places. There's little hope in clinging desperately to the status quo. You've got to grab for a different branch, and quick, since the one you're perched upon is cracking and about to give way. If you face up to this reality and articulate your personal discontent in terms of a larger (read: less personal) issue, you might even make a real impact—and save your ass in the process. Your true supporters will understand where you're coming from, and embrace the need for major adjustments. Others, however, are liable to merely dismiss you as self-important… and leave you out there to dangle. At least you'll know where you stand vis--vis the principal players.


CANCER (June 21-July 22): Narrow focus, bad. Wide lens, illuminating. Look up, out and around. You won't find your latest greatest adventure by repeatedly poring over every square inch of your internal landscape, hunting for cracks in the foundation. You won't discover that powerful new idea that'll rock your soul and get you asking different questions of yourself, as long as you're in perpetual reaction to others' emotional crises. Does life make you yawn? Well, you mustn't expect anything more, if you tacitly permit your life to continue along its most predictable straight-line path. Turn off onto the curvy side-road, and explore the scenery. Transform the mundane tasks into something extraordinary… even if that means nothing more than heading to the next town over for grocery-shopping. If ever there were an ideal week to sign up for that night class at the local college, a weekend yoga retreat, or some community-interest group that'll rally you behind an urgent belief… this is it, honey. Stand behind some interest, idea or opinion. Make your days mean something beyond the immediate purposes of earning a keep, eating, sleeping and shitting. What are you waiting for? The unchallenging, uneventful weeks will soon stretch into months and years, if we're not paying enough attention to stimulating our desires for excitement. Quit the excuses already. Fear isn't a good enough reason to settle for boredom. When's your next trip, and where are you going? What author's published thoughts are suddenly sparking your flames? What are you looking forward to?


LEO (July 23-August 22): The theme of your week, Leo? Here goes: 'Innocent' turns to 'nasty' (or 'simple' to 'insanely complicated') faster than you can control it. If you're on the hunt for some hot-and-wild action, then this should come as very good news… as the journey from casual 'is it foreplay?' chat to a steamy makeout session may be only a few loose-legged steps. To find your potential romp partner if you don't already have one, you'll want to start the evening with friends—then be prepared to politely excuse 'em, once the lusted-after target enters your crosshairs and the mood turns moist-and-melty. However, if you're already involved in a relationship with its fair share of complexities, the week may only further entangle the two of you in turmoil that bears no easy solution. If you're in it for the long haul, your best approach will be to remind yourself it isn't always this flummoxing a situation—then do what you can to push the strife into 'makeup sex' territory. Of course, if your situation really is this flummoxing all the time, you might ask yourself why you're so committed to a long haul. (Are you a glutton for headaches? A perpetrator of improprieties, and 'safe' with a partner who allows it? A sado-masochist?) Whatever the case, please realize that neither of you is 100% innocent or nasty. Rather, you're both a bit of both in whatever's going down. Accept your half of the responsibility, regardless of whether the other person does likewise. One last note: The 'complicating factor' might also show up in the form of some bewildering incident that exposes you to 'the other side'—a contact with the dead, a powerful intuition showing up from who-knows-where, or something similarly occultish. It may throw a wrench in the gears, sure, but don't discount the information, just because you aren't sure of its source.


VIRGO (August 23-September 22): Among all the signs this week, I'm pegging you as the most stable one. (Editorial note: Please don't stop reading after this first sentence, or you may walk away with a very inaccurate take on your week.) Sure, Virgo, you're totally secure and unwavering… as long as we don't include your relationship life in this account. The relationship zone is currently your exception to every rule that's supposed to be regulating everything in your life. And so while Venus in your 10th lovingly protects your career potential, and Mercury in your 8th gives you quick-fire answers to challenging questions… Mars conjunct Uranus (and the North Node!) in your 7th speaks of uncontainable excitability in your view of your primary one-on-one partnership(s). Of course, 'excitability can mean just about anything—except, of course, stability. So will it be an electrifying connection with a hot stranger out of left field that sweeps you away? Or is it an out-of-the-blue fight that spoils the fantasy and disrupts your 'good on paper' coupling? Who's suddenly switching his/her story? And are you speeding headfirst into something radically new… or running fast-and-furious away from something sluggishly old and rundown? What's the big bombshell here? The only certainty is that everything involving your relationship is up for grabs. Therefore, the worst thing you can do is try holding onto 'how it's always been'. As long as you take a different tactic or make a different decision, whatever it is will move things along… to where? I can't say.


LIBRA (September 23-October 22): Not wholly unlike last week, there's a certain persuasiveness to your tone-of-voice, which can help you convince nearly anyone of anything. But please be careful with this power, Libra, because too much 'convincing' definitely borders on coercion by force, pressuring people to agree to something against their will or risk seriously displeasing you. And trust me, using your razzle-dazzle to manipulate others will come with some major bad karma… subjecting whatever commitment you've browbeaten from them to a contentious future, one liable to backfire and consequently burn you further down the road. Your surest safeguard against such repercussions is to remove any purely self-serving purposes from the context of the conversation, leaving only matters of impersonal principle as the grounds for your wheedling. You're not going to reap the negative vibes simply by expressing your own passionate opinion about 'right' or 'wrong'—only if you deploy the added touch of inducing guilt, through retaliatory threats (even if indirect or couched in a supposed invitation to 'do what you want' that doesn't ring authentic) or blatant, resentful judgments. For the best results, channel the Mars-Uranus conjunction in your 6th, and utilize your conviction to bring about much-needed reforms at work or in your day-to-day habits. By pushing for ideas intended to streamline processes and improve overall health, you'll demonstrate you're thinking about everyone's benefit… not just your own. Preaching on legitimate behalf of practical improvements is far less likely to draw vocal opposition than simply preaching because you think you're right.


SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Please be mindful of how upsetting the upcoming week could be for many of the folks in your life. A Mars-Uranus conjunction, like the one applying to exactitude over the weekend, is one of the most telling astro-indicators of abrupt actions, erratic energy-releases and sudden creations of chaos. Naturally, the potential unsettling effects are too numerous to name… and the Uranus factor itself only adds to the unpredictability. But you, Scorpio, are one of the folks likeliest to dodge the worst of it—if, in fact, that's a desired goal on your part—simply by staying out of everyone else's pathways to pandemonium. That doesn't necessarily mean you must keep to yourself; rather, it's about being smart enough to know when not to launch an ill-timed confrontation or dispense unsolicited suggestions. As long as you remain the star of your own show and don't require anybody else to play a certain role in the production, you're good as gold. However, if your plotline is a love story, all bets are off: It could be a smashing success or, just as easily, a stinker of mythic proportions. Why? Because other people's participation is also required, and cannot be reliably counted on to adhere to specific specifications. (If you're really hungry for the intimacy, though, the possible intertwinement may be just what you're after.) Instead of inserting yourself into the eye of others' storms, focus on your own gratification. After all, you're the lucky one with the planetary permission to act zany and weird, thanks to Mars and Uranus conjoining in your solar 5th. And you need no reason to do so, other than it's fun or because you want to. For added enjoyment, spend time playing with kids… to get into the space of pure imagination, where everything becomes a game, and to stir up your creative juices.


SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): True freedom starts from within, where we grant ourselves the permission to be totally okay with whatever emotional state we may wander into… without any restrictive beliefs as to what's an 'appropriate' sensation or reaction to harbor in any given instant. Of course, we can often trace such self-confining limits to our family upbringings, and what we were taught to compassionately oblige or sternly repress in our childhood experiences. Thankfully, though, you're not a child anymore—and you have the freedom to cast off these chains at will, deciding for yourself to honor and cherish your internal inclinations, rather than judge them harshly. Don't put conditions on your feelings; allow them to be just as they are. You needn't defend your position, Sagittarius. It's nobody else's business. That also means, alas, your pals or your number-one squeeze might not want to hear every last detail of your self-liberation process. Though you may be getting along great with them, that's no excuse to gab their ears off. Without necessarily noticing, you're bearing an uncommon likelihood of 'making it all about you' this week… which is perfectly fine, as long as you don't drag others into a 'me-me-me' conversation against their will. So when you are interacting, watch that you don't dominate the exchange. Go out of your way to ask them about themselves—and be sure to listen to their answers.


CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Be easy on yourself, Capricorn, and simply forget about staying diligently on task this week. It's an uphill battle to sustain the dutiful grip on your work. And besides, there are so many variables—some serious, and some totally absurd—that it'd be nearly impossible to even determine what qualifies as 'on task'. Give in to the hyperactive chaos (it's not only you who's entrenched in it, by the by), rather than grumbling about how hard it is to focus. Given the astrological climate, you might as well follow the tides… and enjoy whatever circumstances, no matter how seemingly 'insignificant' or 'superfluous' their value to you, present themselves. You can't legitimately consider anything 'off topic', if you aren't able to identify which subject you should concentrate on. Embrace this creative disarray, enough so that you won't dare claim to be bored. Your activities might not appear to add up to anything, but at least you're keeping busy… at least you have some new things to think about… and at least there's a good chance of seeing some folks you find moderately entertaining. Drop the stodgy act, or you'll miss out on the fun everyone else is inviting you to share with them. Laugh loudly, and leave your briefcase at the office.


AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Hold onto your hats, my fine feathered Aquarian friends… your ruling planet Uranus has you rockin' and rollin' on a bumpy ride to who-knows-where, and all you can do is hold on tight. If stability is the furthest thing from your current situation, then you're exactly where you're supposed to be—and if you feel safe, sound and steady, you're probably not noticing the ground about to drop from beneath your feet. Don't go running for the hills, screaming bloody murder or panicking about what'll happen next. You've got everything you need strapped to your back. I can't explain in any detail what that means, of course. Too damn bad… and why bother worrying? Hold firm to the only thing that'll get you through this mess: total faith in both your self-protective instincts and the universe's cryptic higher-logic. Your best approach will apply equally well in professional or romantic situations—brazenly advertising what makes you great. Whether it's your new boss or some hottie who's captured your eye at the gym, you can't expect 'em to catch on to your full brilliance upon first glance. No matter how you get bumped around, shaken up or utterly discombobulated, it mustn't affect your level of confidence in that which makes you you. Be overly obvious in spelling it out. Flaunt your most bankable traits. No one will give you what you want… until you show 'em you've got what it takes to handle it.


PISCES (February 19-March 20): 'Hello, my name is Pisces, and I'm a bit off my rocker! I don't give too much of a shit about that, though—that's life, so what are you gonna do? My astrologer told me that, thanks to Mars and Uranus conjoining in my sign, I have absolutely no reason to hold back on the madcap merriment. Apparently, I'm the loose cannon of the zodiac this week. Hip, hip hooray for popping my top! I suppose I could blow any ol' random fuse… seeing as there's enough built-up frustration to propel my cork into deep space, were I to churn it up and let 'er blow. But if I'm going to explode, I'd might as well make the explosion matter, and direct my 16-horsepower power-surge toward a particular purpose. This could well be the "big bang'" I've been hoping for, to get me off my ass and up in arms. And I just don't feel like tempering my hustle-bustle attitude to suit anyone else's comfort levels anymore. Fuck that, mamacita! This is my chance to show you all: I ain't takin' a backseat any longer! If you see me coming, I'd get out of the way. I will be coming at you with a raised voice, pounding the walls or the furniture for greater emphasis… and while I'll try my damnedest not to hit anybody in the process, I make no guarantees. I've made nice long enough. This week belongs to me.'