Horoscopes | Week of July 1-7, 2002

ARIES (March 21-April 19) : I don't know if you can carry a tune, but I picture you singing. But don't go scouting for record contracts yet. I'm not talking Vegas revue or sold-out shows at the Colisseum. Rather I see you in a tux, wandering through an Italian restaurant with a violin, crooning Sinatra classics. Or maybe you're oozing smooth jazz vocals on a small stage in the corner of an intimate wedding reception. Either way, you're helping to set a mood by providing absolutely perfect background accompaniment—and it flows effortlessly and flawlessly from you by simply opening your mouth.

 

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Witty Taureans can keep the conversation flowing for hours without letting on that streams of emotional lava may burning up their insides. Fight the heartburn by telling a few people some honest, potent, cut-to-the-chase snippets about what's really going on in you. And don't just pick your safe and reliable best friends. Share a story with your co-checkout-line-waiters at Safeway, and you might end up with more than just another good meatloaf recipe.

 

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I bet you sometimes forget, mid-sentence, what you're even talking about. All right, you're pretty good at playing it off, projecting the confusion onto the listener or quickly regaining composure and changing the subject. You know what though? People are on to you. They notice. You could gain some integrity in their eyes if you actually fess up next time you lose a thought or don't know an answer. It shows your human side.

 

CANCER (June 21-July 22): If you have the chance this week, you should take a trip to one of those touristy "pan for gold" or "mine your own diamonds" roadside attractions. Once in every 22,000 or so visits, a lucky duck finds something that is actually valuable. You're that duck. Of course, it may not be obvious at first that you've dug up a treasure—and the guy who owns the place might know less about gold or diamonds than he lets on. If you can't make the trip, find another more convenient place to claim your newly discovered riches.

 

LEO (July 23-August 22): Take a few hours out of your busy schedule to meditate on love and healing. I know, you say you do this kind of thing all the time. But in this case, focusing your energies in a more distinctly humanitarian or socially-active fashion could have a substantial payoff for others, maybe larger than you realize. Meanwhile, if you attend the political rally at the nearby park, there's a chance you might get your picture in the paper.

 

VIRGO (August 23-September 22): Ladies and gentlemen, please pass all your generous donations—canned food, clothing, checks or money orders—toward the center aisle. A courteous Virgo volunteer will be by shortly to collect these items and distribute them to where they are most needed. Everyone can afford a little something, so don't try any excuses for bowing out and being selfish or lazy. I've instructed the Virgos to call you on your bluffs and politely goad you into giving.

 

LIBRA (September 23-October 22): I feel so badly for those couples on The Newlywed Game who miss every question, appearing to viewers like they hardly know each other. With all the spotlights and TV cameras and pressure to win a new washer-dryer, it's no wonder some newlyweds can't instantly recall the strangest place they've ever made whoopie. Libra, you'd be great at crafting entertaining questions they'd be sure to get correct—making them feel good about themselves and helping affirm their love in front of a national audience.

 

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): I'm so glad things are going better for you. Not everyone is as fortunate. Try a little harder to remember what it was like a few weeks back, when everything was overwhelming and you found it hard to stay calm. What would you have wanted to hear from supportive loved ones, had they known the depth of your chaos? Repeat these things to yourself when feeling impatient with someone else's latest sob story. Better yet, repeat them out loud and help both of you.

 

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21): If you find it hard to get the right words out when relating one-on-one, maybe it's because your tongue is tied in knots. I recommend loosening it, but not with talking. How about kissing, licking, or some similarly sensual expression of what you're trying to say? They may respect you for your ideas, but they'll really respond to you for your randy carnal come-ons.

 

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): Get out of the house as much as you can. No one is going to serendipitously pass by, stop, strike up conversation, and fall in love with you if you're sitting in your living room. Structure your days so that you get all the essentials done efficiently—work, meals, bill-paying, dog-walking—and then spend every other waking moment enjoying the fact that you share the world with so many other interesting folks, some of whom are quite attractive.

 

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): Too many emotions make you feel messy, like you're leaving a slippery mucusy snail trail behind you as you walk. Gross, yes. But have you noticed that the glop on the ground helps pave a lubricated path to glide across later? It's sort of the same way that your recent ups and downs, seemingly so inconvenient, are leading you toward developing efficient habits out of emotional necessity. After having previously deemed "fascist" any sort of structure in your life, you're realizing it is an evil necessary for carrying out any bigger plans.

 

PISCES (February 19-March 20):You're on a positive roll with the work you've been doing, and it does appear to be paying off. Now, channel the momentum into that one extra-curricular creative project you've put off for a while. Start it up again, and you might be amazed at how much you enjoy putting out the effort. Plant the garden, write some poetry, or, if you're feeling really ambitious, conceive a child.